‘It must be tough on a marriage when a baby comes into the equation.’
‘It’s not easy.’
‘If you ever want to – you know – talk about anything, then I’m a good listener.’ Gail folded her arms, a classic act of defensiveness. Sinéad did the same thing when friends asked questions about her and Daniel’s relationship.
‘We’re good, thank you,’ she replied with finality so Sinéad left the conversation where it was.
That afternoon, the garage doors were propped open while a masked Sinéad sanded the legs of a kitchen table. As the sounds of heritage musicians from her youth like Katy Perry, Rihanna and Justin Bieber played from the speakers, she paused to allow her synaesthesia to bloom. Each group of notes created primary colours that floatedaround the garage like helium balloons caught in the wind. The higher the pitch, the brighter the colours became. She was surrounded by reds and burned oranges when Taylor Swift played, and light blues and lilacs when Coldplay appeared. Her world was never this colourful with Daniel in it.
‘Someone’s enjoying themselves,’ a voice came suddenly.
‘Jesus!’ Sinéad shouted aloud, and turned her head quickly. Gail was by the doors laughing, Taylor inside a pushchair.
‘You’re such a jumpy so-and-so.’
Sinéad laughed but there was no humour in it. Instead, she was quietly annoyed for letting down her guard. ‘I thought we were meeting tomorrow?’ she asked as she pulled down her mask.
‘I have a wee favour to ask. Are you free to babysit for a couple of hours?’
Sinéad flinched. ‘When?’
‘Now. There’s a rocking chair dating back to the 1990s that I won on eBay, but I need to collect it now from Fettercairn before the owner goes on holiday.’
‘Isn’t Anthony free?’
‘No, he’s at the restaurant.’
An awkward gap opened up between them. Gail seemed to sense Sinéad’s reluctance but pursued her request. ‘She’s very good and she’ll probably sleep most of the time she’s with you.’
‘I was hoping to finish this table, though, and it can’t be very good for a baby being around all this dust.’
‘There’s no hurry, the customer isn’t expecting it until the weekend.’
Sinéad’s mouth became dry as she ran short of excuses. ‘I … I’m sorry, I can’t,’ she muttered. ‘I have something inside that I need to do. I’ll see you soon.’
Sinéad left the sandpaper on the floor and walked briskly back into the house, careful not to make eye contact withher baffled friend, and closed the door behind her. At the sound of the pushchair’s wheels leaving the driveway, she took deep breaths and raked her hair with her fingers.
Damn it, she thought. She had handled that terribly. Sinéad reached for her bag hanging from a wall hook and retrieved a small plastic bottle. As she moulded her fingers around it, all she could think about was how Gail would never have asked Sinéad to babysit if she’d known that her friend had been responsible for the death of her own baby.
Chapter 29
EMILIA
‘I need to get out of here,’ muttered Emilia.
She stared from the living-room window at the rolling green hills of the countryside ahead. She caught Ted’s reflection as he rose from a sofa and she flinched when he wrapped his arms around her waist. She could tell that he felt it because immediately he pulled back.
‘We could go out for dinner tonight if you like?’ he suggested. ‘There’s a wonderful Thai restaurant in town we used to visit. It might bring something back.’
‘I’d like to go out by myself.’ Emilia turned to face him. ‘I think it might do me some good.’
‘That’s not something I’d feel comfortable with, not yet.’
Would you feel more comfortable if I was sedated and locked up?she wanted to ask, but stopped herself. She was still unaware of his motives or the danger she faced in confronting him. Instead, she swallowed her brewing frustration.
‘I have a wardrobe full of gym clothes upstairs, so I assume I used to exercise a lot. I’d like to go for a run.’
‘That’s a great idea. We have a treadmill in the gym with virtual-reality headsets and belts, that mimics settings from mountain paths to the desert. I’ll join you, it’ll be fun.’
