The suggestion that she yearned for something more than the life Daniel allowed her played on her mind days later. Yet through misguided loyalty, a part of Sinéad still wanted to defend him. For a long time, she’d reasoned that his placing of her inside a gilded cage meant that he’d wanted to protect her, to shape her into a better version of herself. But Joanna’s warning was encouraging Sinéad to view their relationship from someone else’s perspective. And it was far less blinkered than her own.
There is a life to be had away from your husband, Joanna advised. But was there really? There had been before they met, she recalled, but it hadn’t been a notable one. Daniel was supposed to be the answer to her prayers. But what if there was something better for her beyond their marriage;something she’d been too short-sighted to have seen earlier?
She ran a fingertip along the double row of her false eyelashes to check they were still in place. Daniel hated it when she was without them, yet he had been partially responsible for her need to wear them. Then she picked at the lunch he had packed for her in a Tupperware box as she sat alone in the office staff room. Today’s selection included a red apple, a plain yoghurt, a chicken sandwich and a low-calorie granola bar. On the lid, a blue Post-It note read, ‘No cheating – no chocolate!’ with a heart instead of a dot under the exclamation mark. It was his way of reminding her that he loved her enough to care about what she ate. Wasn’t it?
A pop-up advertisement appeared on her screen.
Clickhereto start your life again. Less than one per cent of the British population can solve this puzzle. Can you?
Sinéad took a bite from her sandwich and absent-mindedly moved around random words, shapes and letters until the puzzle made sense. It was complete in less than half a minute.
She recalled how she’d always hoped to replicate her late parents’ happy, loving marriage. Soon after she and Daniel had met, he’d convinced her that he was the one to save her from a lifetime of unhappiness following a string of bad relationship choices. She had been too willing to believe in love to realise she didn’t need someone else to make her happy.
Their attraction was immediate. His eyes were the lightest brown she had ever seen and his lips were plumper than hers. He was tanned and lean and next to him even then, she felt pale and shapeless. Yet for some reason, this beautiful, intelligent man had chosen her. It didn’t make sense why he hadn’t been snapped up already. And despiteher friends’ warnings at the speed at which their relationship was developing, they were married within two months.
Sinéad glanced at their wedding photograph, the screensaver Daniel had put on her phone. She recalled the moment he saw her walking up the aisle. After choosing the dress, all she had wanted was to witness her husband-to-be’s reaction as he waited at the altar. Only when he turned his head, it wasn’t the grin she’d hoped for. If anything, he appeared a little disappointed. It was later in the day that he admitted he’d have picked something that suited her better.
An empty-battery symbol appeared and turned the device’s screen black. Instead of immediately putting it on charge, she was too preoccupied with reflecting on their early months of marriage. What began as Daniel’s suggestions of ways in which they could grow together became proposals only directed at her. They ranged from her taste in clothes and make-up to her attention to detail with housework, the books she read, the music she listened to and the friends she chose. ‘This is what couples do,’ Daniel assured her. ‘They try to better one another.’
Joanna’s voice echoed again.You don’t have to put up with this shit.
Sinéad complied with Daniel’s wishes because above all else, she wanted to make him happy. And when he was in control, he was just that. Occasionally, he might throw her off kilter with sudden praise, following a well-cooked meal or a new outfit that pleased him. But gradually she recognised that he only offered her praise if it served his needs.
Her biggest sacrifice in the name of love had been her career. As an office-based Space Environment Coordinator, her role had been to assist in locating orbiting waste from used rockets and broken satellites that was at risk ofcolliding with working orbital technology. She determined what debris to recycle in space foundries and what to direct to burn up in the earth’s atmosphere. It was high pressured and skilled and she loved it but the three-hour round-trip commute into London had been impacting the time she spent with Daniel. Only now could she see what a mistake she’d made to have given it up on his suggestion and taken a more menial job closer to home so they could spend more time together.
There is more to you than what he allows you to have.
The only thing she had fought her corner for was their child. In her one act of persistence, she insisted they start trying for a family. She fell pregnant almost immediately but miscarried after a month. Twice more, nature dealt her cruel blows before Daniel demanded they took a break, suggesting her body was hostile and unsuited to nurturing life. ‘Perhaps it’s a sign that motherhood isn’t something you’re cut out for,’ he said.
Suddenly Sinéad felt a sharp pain in her left breast and she cupped it, holding it for a minute. A series of images erupted, so she shut her eyelids tightly until they disappeared. And with her appetite now all but gone, she slipped her uneaten food into the recycling bin and returned to her desk.
‘Shit, Daniel,’ she muttered when she realised that she’d forgotten to call him at the time he’d designated. She placed her phone on its charging pad and looked at the clock on the wall – she was now quarter of an hour late. And when it came back to life, she panicked when she noticed his six missed calls.
Sinéad hurried back into the toilets to call him privately, her smart watch buzzing to warn her of her rising pulse. If she didn’t come up with a satisfactory explanation for the delay and convince him how sorry she was, his bad mood might stretch for days.
He answered after one ring, but said nothing. Sinéad opened her mouth but just as she was about to speak, she heard Joanna’s voice again.
There is a life to be had away from your husband.
There is a life to be had.
Away from your husband.
Away.
And for the first time in her marriage, Sinéad chose not to apologise to keep the peace and hung up instead. His name flashed on her screen almost immediately but she rejected it again. Then she left the bathroom, made her way back to her desk and grabbed her handbag.
‘Everything okay, Sinéad?’ asked Richard, her manager, from his desk in the corner of the room. Richard was an old friend of Daniel’s and another of her husband’s sycophants.
‘Never been better,’ she announced. ‘And now I’m going home.’ She didn’t await his reply before exiting the building. It wouldn’t be long before Richard called Daniel to report her unusual behaviour. But it didn’t matter because Sinéad wouldn’t be returning. By the time she reached their apartment ten minutes later, Daniel had called another seven times.
There is a life to be had away from your husband.
And there is, she realised. It had taken someone else to lead the way to the door, but now all she had to do was open it. Brimming with anticipation and fretfulness, Sinéad packed a suitcase with clothes and toiletries and considered where she might go. It had been too long since she’d emancipated herself from the friends who’d warned her about Daniel’s controlling behaviour. She was too ashamed of her conduct to simply turn up on their doorstep with an apology and a plea for a roof for the night.
Her phone vibrated and, assuming it was Daniel, she was going to ignore it. However, it was an SMS message.
FAO: SINÉAD KELLY
