‘She?’
‘I think it’s a girl. It’s what Jon wants.’
‘Let’s not worry about what she looks like now,’ I say, but it’s only natural that Nina is terrified.
‘I don’t think I can watch her ... die.’
I don’t know what the right thing to say to her is. ‘Okay,’ is all I can manage. ‘I’ll be with her.’
‘Promise me.’
‘I promise.’
In between her contractions, Nina offers me a glimpse of a life I have been shut out of for so long. She explains how she met Hunter and how she wasn’t aware she was pregnant until it was too late to do anything about it. She reveals how she kept the pregnancy secret from me, that her boyfriend can’t wait to become a father, but how it will break his heart when he discovers the baby’s deformities. She expresses her guilt for the way she has behaved. I forgive her everything.
Evening moves into night-time and then to early morning until finally, I know the baby is imminent. And soon after it begins to crown, it’s only a matter of minutes before I am holding my grandchild in my arms. Now that Nina’s hard work is complete, I take charge.
‘Is it a girl?’ she asks as I cut the baby’s umbilical cord with scissors smeared in antiseptic Savlon and clamp it with the plastic clip I use to seal freezer bags. After so much pain, Nina is now almost motionless, too scared to sit up and see the face of her child.
‘Yes it is,’ I reply.
‘And is she ...’
‘I need to leave the room, darling,’ I reply, wrapping the child in a warm blanket I’d kept on the radiator and heading for the door. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘She’s not making any noise,’ Nina says quietly. ‘Can I see her?’
‘It’s best that you don’t,’ I reply, and close the door behind me.
I hurry down the stairs. I don’t want to wound Nina any more than she’s been hurt already. But not allowing her to see her baby has to be for the best. This is the most difficult decision I have ever made and now I must stick to it, for Nina’s sake.
I leave my grandchild alone in the basement, then return to help Nina deliver the placenta and place it in a washing-up bowl to throw out. I check her tear and considering her age, she has been fortunate. It’s small and she hasn’t ripped any muscles, so it should heal by itself. Nina isn’t crying, in fact she is not expressing any emotion at all. I give her two tablets and a glass of water and wait for her to swallow them.
‘Dylan,’ she says suddenly. ‘Dylan.’
‘What’s that?’
‘My baby. That’s what I’m calling her.’
‘It’s an unusual name for a girl.’
‘It’s after the singer Bob Dylan. He’s Jon’s favourite.’
‘Then that’ll be her name.’
She tries to move her legs to get out of bed. ‘I need to tell Jon what’s happened,’ she says, but I encourage her to stay where she is. ‘But he’ll be worried about me.’
I doubt that. I want to keep them apart for as long as I can. ‘There will be plenty of time to explain everything to him,’ I say, and she is too weak to argue.
‘I’ll be back soon,’ I whisper, then return to the basement to do what needs to be done.
CHAPTER 29
MAGGIE
TWENTY-THREE YEARS EARLIER, TWO DAYS LATER
It’s an unfamiliar area of town to me, even though it’s only ten minutes’ driving distance from where we live.
