Heidi tried to read his smile, quietly hoping it was genuine. She remembered him waiting at the church altar, turning his head when the organist began to play the opening bars of Wagner’sBridal Chorusand how he dabbed at his eyes when he caught sight of her. Even now, after everything, she would do anything to relive those early, fairy-tale moments from their relationship again, even just for a moment.
‘Do you remember where our first date was?’ Heidi asked.
‘Of course, in that fish restaurant in Aldeburgh high street.’
‘No, that was the second night.’
‘I don’t count the first night because that’s when we met.’
‘That’s right, you were on the stag weekend from hell.’
‘Bob’s best man had booked us all two static caravans in a park populated by pensioners and the only club in town closed at eleven. Then I saw you and your friendswalking back to the campsite and, the next thing I know, we’d spent the night swigging from a bottle of Prosecco, watching the sun rise over the beach.’
Heidi felt a warmth spread across the surface of her skin, mirroring how she felt when Sam had leaned in to kiss her for the first time. Back then, and following the collapse of her parents’ marriage, she didn’t believe in happy-ever-afters. And not for a moment had she assumed she could fall in love so hard and so fast. The warm feeling dissolved as quickly as it had appeared. She blew gently on the fingernails of one hand before she began painting the other.
‘Who’d have thought back then that one day we’d be celebrating our tenth anniversary?’ she asked.
‘I did because I’d never met anyone so on my wavelength like you were. There’s no way I was letting you go. And while I remember, aside from a hacksaw to remove the ball and chain, what are we supposed to buy one another to celebrate?’
‘Something made of tin.’
‘So if I wrapped up a tin of spaghetti hoops you’d be happy?’
‘Give it a try and see how long the proctologist takes to surgically remove it.’
‘What was on that modern list of anniversary presents you googled?’
‘Diamonds. Apparently, they’re still a girl’s best friend.’
‘I thought I was your best friend?’
You were, Heidi said to herself.Once upon a time you were everything to me.
She watched as Sam used his tie to clean his glasses. He hadn’t worn them when they’d first met, but then his hair and beard hadn’t been flecked with grey either and the skin around his eyes didn’t crease when he laughed. She wondered if he had watched her aging like she hadhim. Perhaps that’s how this had all started. Her genetics had been to blame. Her body was no longer as attractive to him as it once was when they were in the first flush of love. But wasn’t that what marriage was about? Not the ceremony or the grand gestures or the anniversaries, but standing by the side of someone come what may; growing older with one another and loving them regardless of all their faults.Till death do us part, she said to herself.
Heidi wondered what others saw when they looked at her. In her imagination, she was still a twenty-year-old girl with her whole life ahead of her. In reality, she was a forty-year-old mum of two whose once thick head of blonde hair was losing its lustre. Her teeth needed whitening and her jaw line was fast losing its elasticity. As gravity pulled it south, it took with it her freckles. Nowadays they were less like cute brown dots and more like fat ink blots. It wasn’t just her looks that had toughened over the years; so had her personality. Her job had made it harder for her to see the good in people. And she had forgotten how to cry either happy or sad tears. Sometimes she felt as if she were made of rock; break her exterior and she was just as solid inside.
‘Do you ever miss those days?’ Heidi asked suddenly.
‘Which days?’
‘The ones when we could drink and smoke and go out whenever we wanted to or bugger off around Europe on a city break without having to worry about the kids?’
‘Sometimes, like when they caught that stomach bug before Christmas and the house stank like a Roman vomitorium. But on the whole, no. The adventure we’re on is much more fun with them in it.’
‘If we can get a late cheap deal, we should take them to the South of France for a few days in August. Just pack up the essentials, programme the address, set off at night and sleep in the car while it drives us there. We could be in Lyon by the morning.’
Heidi knew what Sam’s response would be before he gave it. ‘We’ll see,’ he replied. When it came to trips abroad, he’d been ‘we’ll see-ing’ her for most of their married life. Every other Christmas he’d visit his mother at her flat in the Algarve. However, he always went alone.
‘So remind me, where are you taking me for our anniversary?’ she asked.
‘Oh for God’s sake, if you really want to know then I’ll tell you. But don’t start moaning later that I’ve ruined the surprise.’
‘Come on then. Spill.’
‘Okay, well, I’ve hired us a caravan in Aldeburgh for the weekend and I was planning to take an early morning breakfast picnic with us so we can start the day where it all began – under the rising sun.’
‘Aww, that’s lovely,’ Heidi replied, not meaning a word of it. Sam clearly assumed it to be a thoughtful, romantic gesture though. ‘It’s a really nice idea.’
