‘Where’s this coming from?’ he asked, somewhat taken aback. ‘You made it clear when we first started to date that kids were out of the equation. What’s changed?’
Sofia stared deep into his eyes and felt warmth radiating from them. She had never been more in love than she was in that moment. ‘It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind,’ she replied. ‘You know that.’
‘No, really. Tell me.’
‘I’m thirty-eight years old and neither of us are getting any younger. If I leave it much longer then nature will take the decision out of my hands. You, me, us … I realise now this is what I’ve been waiting for my whole adult life. What do you say?’
Patrick stopped walking and wrapped his strong arms around his wife’s waist, brought her to his lips and kissed her. ‘I say when can we start trying?’
She curled her fingers through two of his belt loops and led him through the hotel lobby and straight up to their suite.
Four months later, a chance reflection in an orangery window destroyed everything Sofia had begun to dream of. It was so fleeting that it lasted no more than a second, but she would never forget it.
They had spent much of the weekend with her niece and nephew in the swimming pool of Sofia’s Richmond home.
‘Patrick, if you dry the kids off, I’ll ask Cook to make a start on lunch.’
‘Okay,’ he replied.
Her husband climbed out of their pool and reached for a towel. Robbie and Paige were on brightly coloured inflatable lilos, racing from end to end using their hands as paddles. ‘Hurry up, guys,’ Patrick said as Paige made her way towards him. He lifted her out and placed her on a sunlounger.
As Sofia headed to the kitchen, she remembered that she hadn’t taken their drinks order. She turned, then caught a reflection of Patrick on his knees, towelling Paige. As one hand dried her back, the other was held firm upon an area it had no business being. Sofia froze and watched as her husband swiftly slid it away when he realised she had returned.
Her acting skills disguised the fluctuation in her voice. ‘What would we all like to drink?’
‘Coke, please,’ chirped both children. She hesitated, her eyes locked on theirs, searching for evidence of what she thought she had witnessed. But all they gave back to her were their innocent smiles. She turned and left them alone again with Patrick.
Throughout the weeks that followed, Sofia replayed that moment over and over again. Had her eyes deceived her? Was she blowing a misplaced hand out of all proportion? Patrick was the man she loved above all others, the only one she wanted children with. How could he be anything other than what she knew him to be? It wasn’t possible. Yet try as she might, she couldn’t cast out the niggling doubt from inside her.
It was some months later when she returned home from filming in the South of France and found Patrick alone with Paige and Robbie. Instantly it put her on edge. She hadn’t expected to see them all together and the memory of Patrick’s misplaced hand returned. She held her breath, waiting in the shadows, watching for signs of inappropriate behaviour. But all three played innocently on a swing Patrick had made by looping a thick rope over a tree’s sturdy branch. ‘Why are the kids here?’ Sofia asked, trying to hide her uneasiness.
‘Your sister asked if I could look after them while she took Kenny to Rome for the weekend,’ he replied.
‘You didn’t mention it when we spoke last night.’
‘Their babysitter cancelled last minute. It’s okay, isn’t it?’
‘Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?’
She gave him a lacklustre smile. Patrick placed his camera on a deckchair and kissed his wife’s cheek. ‘Can you imagine what it’ll be like when we have our own little Paige running around the place?’
‘Why a Paige? Why not a Robbie?’
‘I don’t know … I suppose I’ve been picturing us having a little girl. A mini-Sofia. Someone to follow in your footsteps on the stage. A real daddy’s girl.’
She blanched at Patrick’s words and, suddenly, being pregnant with his child was the last thing Sofia wanted. The voice inside her, which she relied upon to guide her career, made itself heard –you cannot trust him!
After a sleepless night, she waited until Patrick had left the house to play an early morning round of golf before she approached Paige. They sat in the den watching cartoons.
‘Did you have fun with Uncle Patrick yesterday?’ she asked and Paige nodded. ‘What did you do?’
‘We played in the woods.’
‘With Robbie?’
‘No, he was on his bike.’
‘It was just the two of you?’ Paige nodded again. Sofia’s heart beat faster. ‘And what did you get up to?’
