Jade could see Susan nodding, remembering when this had happened.
‘As the treatment got into full swing, it was so awful to watch him starting to lose his hair and weight and become a brother I barely recognised. But I knew what I had done was worth it when I’d see the old Kev reappear in his eyes and watch him smile when he got your texts and your calls.’
Jade thought back to the day she had first received confirmation of a Match. The notification had come through during her lunch break at work and she’d been so thrilled that she’d paid for her link’s details without giving much attention to his name. Almost immediately, she’d received a text from Kevin introducing himself and, from their first conversation, she just assumed he was her Match. She liked his warmth and enthusiasm, and immediately warmed to him. It was a stark contrast to her feelings of failure for having a job she hated and living with her parents.
‘We just started talking and hit it off,’ Jade said quietly. ‘I didn’t think to check it was the right name.’
Jade felt her mother-in-law’s disappointment dissipate, but, for her, her anger only grew.
‘I’m so sorry, Jade,’ Mark said. ‘But believe me, I know how hard it’s been for you over the last few weeks. From the moment I opened the front door to you, I felt those explosions they talk about. And I hate that I’ve hurt the one girl in the world I love.’
‘You have no idea how much you’ve hurt me,’ Jade replied solemnly, and dug her fingernails into the palm of her hands to hold back her rising temper.
‘I do know, honestly … hearing Kev talk to you on the phone every night and watching him in the lounge grinning as each of your messages came through, knowing it should have been me reading them and not him … it was hell. I’dwonder what you were saying to each other and what you felt about him, and I couldn’t say a damned thing. But I never expected you to actually turn up at the house. And then when you did it was both my worst nightmare and the best thing ever at the same time. Suddenly here you were, the one I was supposed to be with, on my doorstep and staying under my roof, but it was my brother you were here to see and he was head over heels in love with you.’
Jade could feel her eyes pooling and she blinked the tears back, trying to keep a handle on her emotions. Part of her wanted to slap Mark, but the other part wanted to hold on to him for dear life.
‘You lied to me … you lied to Kevin … you lied to the people you say you loved – how could you do that?’ she asked. ‘I’ve spent weeks trapped in this nightmare, beating myself up over why I wasn’t in love with him and thinking I was this selfish, heartless bitch. And you watched me going through absolute shite but you didn’t say a word. You didn’t even try to hint that all wasn’t as it seemed – you just let me deal with this all by myself. If you’d just given me a clue and let me work it out, then I could have at least decided if I wanted to go along with it or not. But you took the choice away from me. You used me, Mark, and that’s what hurts the most.’
‘Please try and understand why I did it.’
‘I do, and that’s the only thing stopping me from punching you right now. I get it, you had to put Kevin first. But it takes me a long time to trust someone and, no matter what my body feels for you, I don’t think my head or my heart will ever trust you again.’
‘Please don’t say that,’ Mark begged. ‘Just give us a chance.’
‘I’m sorry, I really don’t think I can.’
Jade hurried out of the lounge and back to the guest house, slamming her bedroom door shut behind her, along with all the feelings she’d ever held for her Match.
Chapter 89
NICK
After another night of fitful sleep permeated by dreams of Alex, Nick left the spare room and made his way into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. Sally was already sitting at the breakfast bar, pushing a partially eaten chocolate croissant around on a plate. The hem of her T-shirt was no longer able to cover her pregnant belly.
‘Morning,’ he mumbled, and made his way to the coffee machine.
‘Hi.’ She winced and shuffled from buttock to buttock.
‘Can’t you get comfortable?’ he asked.
‘No,’ she replied. ‘It’s been like this all night. The baby’s either been pressing on my bladder or kicking me.’
‘Has your headache lifted?’
‘Not really, no. There’s nothing I can take for it but the occasional aspirin and they’re doing little to help.’
‘Is it worth mentioning to the midwife this afternoon?’
‘Probably not. She’ll only tell me it’s high blood pressure or chronic hypertension again and that I’ve got to chill. You try relaxing when there’s a jackhammer going through your head.’
‘Can I get you anything?’
‘A herbal tea would be nice. One of those lemon and jasmine ones in the cupboard.’
Nick put the kettle on the stove and they sat quietly, both staring ahead at nothing in particular while they waited for it to whistle.
Five months had passed since Nick had left Alex; the letter saying he was choosing Sally and the baby. It was long and heartfelt, and he hoped that he would understand the decision he’d made. He’d known how much it would hurt him, but he’d tried to tell himself that if Alex had been in an identical situation with his ex-girlfriend Mary, he’d have done the same thing. This hadn’t done much to assuage his guilt.
