“What influence could yourfeelingspossibly have on our success?” Julian asked. “Rather than carrying on emotionally, you ought to keep yourself out of harm’s way.”
“Out of harm’s way?” Ezra abruptly shouted, evidently finished holding back his words. “Do you think we’ll put you on a train to Sterling City and wish you luck before wandering into the wilderness?” A patchy flush covered his cheekbones, and his long fingers dug into the cushion beside him. “Get it through your incomprehensible brain that we’re staying by your side.”
“It wouldn’t be prudent of you to do so.” Julian spoke calmly, but his voice was hoarse.
“Do you think us cowards?” I asked between clenched teeth.
Julian appeared to realize he was being ganged up on. He quickly shook his head, his voice wary. “Of course I don’t.”
“I’ll speak plainly, then. I intend to help you as best I can,” I said. He wouldn’t look at me, so I moved, tucking myself onto the dusty boards at our feet in a crouch, my hands on both their legs for balance. His eyes widened, but he held my gaze. “And I hope you’ll help me. I want to stop the House of Industry from hurting anyone else. I want to do thatwith you. Regardless of how cross you’re being. And whether or not you think we’re friends.”
“You shouldn’t do this alone,” Ezra added. He glanced at me. “She said it better.”
“I don’t think it’s wise for you to endanger yourself,” Julian murmured. “But I can’t stop either of you. We’ve more than established that.”
“Good,” I said, pushing back into my seat. “I’m glad we understand one another.”
Julian’s grip on the cushion loosened incrementally.
“Dowe understand one another?” Ezra asked, eyeing Julian.
As soon as Ezra spoke, Julian started strangling the cushion again. “What are you getting at?”
“Do you understand thatI’mtrying to understand what you’re doing? I know I didn’t—I didn’t try to understand you before. It was easier to give up.”
Julian was barely audible over the sound of the coach’s wheels against the hard-packed trail. “Give up on my ‘bloodless theoretical plans’?” he asked, throwing Ezra’s angry words back at him with painful solemnity.
“Why do you have such a keen memory?” Ezra muttered, scratching the back of his neck. “Yes. No. Give up on you. On this.”
“Itwaseasier to give up,” Julian conceded. His fingertips found a crack in the leather, and he traced it restlessly.
Ezra turned to me, squinting. “What are you smiling about?”
My fingers rose to my lips self-consciously. I hadn’t realized that I was.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, pinching his leg and muffling a laugh when he pretended like it actually hurt.
It was them. Their obnoxious bickering. The way they both talked around the fact that they cared, in a strange and prickly way, for each other. I wondered if this was what having a family felt like. Hurt and devotion all at once.
The coach rocked back and forth as if nodding in agreement, and we fell into a contemplative sort of silence. My leg pressed against Julian’s,and my arm rested against his side. Only yesterday I’d stroked his hair, held him. Surely I could sit beside him, close and comfortable in a way I didn’t have words to articulate.
“You know, it’s not like we’re not already in danger,” Ezra said, fidgeting with the curtain. He’d been glancing out the window occasionally, craning a look at the monotonous landscape. “The House thought the Taylors were enough of a threat to not only kill them but destroy all their work. We’d be fools to think they’d stop there. The House will be hunting for collaborators.”
“I’m already dead, remember?” Julian said. “If they manage to tie me to the Taylors’ research, I’m one less collaborator to worry about.”
“That’s not funny,” I muttered, recalling how horrific it had been to think he was dead, to believe I’d contributed to his death. By the look on Ezra’s face, he appreciated Julian’s flippant tone even less.
“At any rate, I imagine they’ll be focused on hunting for Nikola,” Julian said. “I can only hope they don’t find her before we do.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he clenched his jaw and watched the other curtain sway.
Julian’s tension was no surprise. It had not even been a full day since he’d buried his mentor. His guide in all this. I took his hand, and when I glanced at Ezra, he nodded almost imperceptibly, with quiet encouragement.
Julian’s fingers twitched, but he didn’t pull his hand away from mine. “We have so much work to do. I don’t know what was destroyed or what she took with her. I don’t know if she has a working prototype. I don’t even know if she’salive.”
“Maggie believed she was,” I reminded him. “And she believed we could help her.”
“Why don’t you tell us about Nikola?” Ezra asked, giving Julian’s knee a small nudge with his own. “It will help pass the time.”
“We’ve only corresponded,” Julian said hesitantly. He flinched when I squeezed his hand with encouragement, then let out a breathy laughat his own jumpy reaction. “Nikola is a gifted scientist. She was born in Sterling City, but Maggie brought her to Cascade when she was very young. Her home situation had not been … ideal.” His tone wavered between protective and admiring. “She’s been dreaming up inventions since she was a child. Maggie thought synthetic radiance was folly at first. But with what I knew of conducting, we were able to work together on a prototype. She’s an excellent collaborator. Curious. Confident. To lose her … it would be more than a setback. I don’t know what I’d do.”
