Wind whipped his shaggy hair into his eyes as he whirled on me. “I did not tell you the truth of my motives. That’s not the same.”
I squared my shoulders, too angry to care about the waver in my voice. “And what of my heart?”
“Josephine.” Trembling, he stepped into the distance between us, hands finding my face, pushing carefully into my hair. His fingers werewarm. He bent to touch his forehead to mine and spoke my name again, a careful plea.
A sob caught in my throat.
“Your wildness,” he whispered. “It stirs me up.”
After everything he’d done, I shouldn’t have believed him. But I did. And I didn’t want him to stop touching me. “Please,” I whispered.
There was nothing careful about the way he kissed me.
His mouth seared against mine, and I reached for him, no longer hot with radiance, but set aflame with something I had far less ability to contain. I gripped his shirt, held him close, and showed him that despite every reason to shove him away, I wanted him close like this, wanted to know more of him, all of him.
Abruptly, he broke away, and it took me a dizzy moment to see why.
Julian was watching us, whatever reaction he’d initially had already steeled to careful boredom.
Finally, he said, “That doesn’t look restful.”
“We didn’t mean—” I began weakly, feeling every bit the apprentice caught breaking rules. I took another step back to further distance myself from Ezra.
“I meant to,” Ezra interrupted. He exhaled shakily, as if collecting his thoughts. Though he wasn’t looking at me, I felt his soft words like a lingering touch. “I meant that.”
This time, Julian’s sigh held weary sincerity. His expression gentled, and he pointed to the place where he’d set his pack down for us to rest. “We won’t survive if we don’t keep close. But perhaps not overly close if I’m meant to get any sleep.”
“Don’t mock her,” Ezra snapped.
Julian let out an incredulous huff. “Trulybaffling that you continue to think I’m the one wronging her.”
I glared at both of them. “I’m right here. Stop it.”
At least this time, I didn’t need to take drastic measures to get their attention.
They looked away from each other like chastised little boys. There was so much more I could say, but I was so tired.
My heart beat a painful rhythm in my rib cage, rattling around like someone was shaking it. My body, however, wanted nothing more than to sleep, and it was surprisingly easy to sink to the ground and rest my head against the leather pack. The ground beneath me swallowed up my anger and soaked up my lingering tears.
A hand came to rest against my back, protective and warm, and as I fell asleep, I wasn’t sure whose it was.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
As dawn crept over us, I wriggled closer to the warmth alongside me.
On cold nights at the House of Industry, we’d slept piled up like a litter of puppies in a fight against the endless draft. It had been the only way to stay warm.
But when I opened my eyes and saw Ezra crouching nearby, smirking, I bolted upright as if he’d splashed water on me. Julian made a grumpy sound of protest as his arm fell away from me. He stretched, slow to wake and hopefully even slower to realize we’d been sleeping pressed together like a pair of spoons.
It wasn’t that I’d thought I was snuggling with Ezra. It was that I definitely hadn’t thought I was snuggling with Julian. Scowling at Ezra’s soft laughter, I trudged into the taller grass to make myself ready for the morning.
There was little to do but collect ourselves, share a few gulps of water, and continue on our way.
For a while, I walked ahead of them both, content to pretend that I was on a grand journey on my own, devoid of the company of twoirritating boys. They spoke quietly behind me, and it didn’t take long for an itchy kind of loneliness to creep up on me. What were they saying?
I slowed and ran my fingers through the tall grass on the side of the path. Everything was bathed in golden light. Bugs whirled around me like stardust, and birds fluttered from one scrubby bush to the next, calling out morning songs. Letting the cool air fill my chest and my belly, I silently told the tightness in my ribs to see itself off. The day was too young and the sky too wide to concern myself with the goings-on of those two.
And if I let a small honest place in me speak, I was glad Ezra had someone besides me to confide in. He was walking away from his home. From a good and honest calling. From a teacher. From a sense of purpose.
