“I’ll kill you,” I said. Softly.
Even in the dim light, I could see the pain in his eyes as he let out a breathy, quick laugh. “I believe that.”
“Why can’t I reach my radiance?” I asked again, my breath hitching. I’d never felt so empty, so thoroughly alone.
“It’s the insulation. We had to take it off when you kind of stopped breathing for a bit.”
“Kind of … what? How?”
“It’s woven with glass and minerals. Ike bought it from some peddler near Cascade, but they don’t know what they’re doing with it. I don’t—I don’t think it’s permanent. They’ve never really tried it on a person before.”
My teeth clicked together, rage chasing away some of my panic. “You don’tthinkit’s permanent?”
He pressed his fingers to his eyes. “Jo.”
“You don’t get to call me that.”
“Apprentice Haven.”
It remained so infuriatingly easy to talk to him. I felt a horrible urge to lean closer despite the betrayal that felt like a ragged wound in my chest.
“You killed him.” A sob ripped through my words. “You killed Julian. How could you do that to him?”
“I …” He cringed as one of the men by the fire let out a disgusting belch and stirred. “Will you please, please be quiet. Trust me.”
“Trust you?” My voice became a shrill, hysterical sort of thing. Letting out several soft curses, Ezra untied his bandana and gagged me before my indignation could truly take hold.
I managed to jam my bound hands into his throat, and he jumped back, coughing wretchedly. He glared at me, wiping tears from his eyesand rubbing the spot where I’d struck him, and I growled through the gag. If he was right and this nauseating emptiness wasn’t permanent, I’d char all three of them to bits the moment I reconnected with my radiance.
“Enjoying the hostage?” Ike asked, ambling over with a leer. His nose looked gruesome, and the skin under his eyes had blackened with bruises.
I lifted my chin, hoping he could tell how proud I was that I’d left those marks on him.
“Say that again in front of Ainsley,” Ezra muttered, choking on every few breaths from the blow I’d landed. “I dare you.”
“You sweet on Ainsley, too?”
Neither Ike nor Marshall was anywhere near as tall as Ezra, but the dynamic between them was clear. They treated him like a little brother. Albeit a little brother they were vaguely afraid of.
With good reason.
I couldn’t let myself think of what he’d done to Julian. I couldn’t comprehend it. And every time my thoughts drifted toward the edges of it, my stomach tried to crawl out of my body. My ears buzzed faintly, and while the acute numbness had left my chest, I hurt all over with a bruise-like ache. Radiance had always been a constant inside me, as sure as my heartbeat, as warm as the sun. I’d never felt this cold.
Ike and Ezra were scuffling, pushing each other around with increasing violence. Marshall, sitting up beside the fire, let his gaze drift lazily from them to me. I looked away, unable to suppress a shudder. I had no doubt that he’d kill me if given the opportunity.
And I knew, somehow, that he’d enjoy it.
“First I find the Mission burning and the conduction coils intact,” a woman said, ringing out clear as a bell. “And now I find you fighting like schoolboys?”
Ezra and Ike broke apart in an instant, both hanging their heads.
“Sorry, ma’am,” Ike said with surprising sincerity.
Ainsley stepped into the firelight wearing the same plain dress and apron she’d had on at the train platform. Her gaze moved slowly fromMarshall to Ezra and Ike, then finally to me. Shaking her head, she let out a small sigh. “I’ll admit I was a bit relieved when Julian snatched my little parting gift away. But here you are. As foolish as ever.”
I tried to speak, but the bandana muffled my voice.
And then I remembered.
