“Are you—” Ezzy starts, voice tight, eyes scanning every inch of me, “are you okay?”
What? How the hell am I meant to answerthat? No, I’m not fucking okay. Yesterday I was stealing apples for a cute guy back home, and today I’m being tossed into magical death matches while two hundred cadets watch like it’s theatre. Real blood, realstakes, and somehow it still counts as “education.” And that it's my fault, that I'm stuck here for the next month because I got sloppy, let my guard drop, got caught, and now it’s this or dragon country.
My mouth still tastes like ash and blood, my Threads are raw, but I nod. Head down, mouth tight. I'm not sure how convincing the lie is, but it’s the only answer I’ve got.
Ezzy’s still pacing when she exhales, long and slow, like she’s been holding her breath since the fight started. Then she stops. Turns.
“Okay, good.” Her head tilts, voice soft. “Look first of all... Ryven totally had it coming. Someone’s needed to knock him off that high horse since forever. And the girl? Toxic doesn’t even start to cover it. Seriously, ask anyone. No one’s exactly lighting candles for her. So don’t feel bad about it.” She steps closer, eyes wide now, her tone shifting. “But that’s not the point. We want to know how you didthat.”
“What do you mean?” I blink, looking up.
“Two Realms. Airandwater, in sync. It looked like a prism exploded. I’ve never seen that before... Most cadets, stars, most officers, won’t ever get close to that kind of power. How did you do that, how did you learnthat?”
My chest slips into a slightly faster rhythm, nerves brushing close.
Shit.
Do I tell them? Admit I’ve got no training, no control, and not a damn clue what just happened in there either? Just hand over that kind of vulnerability like it won’t be used against me?
But if I don’t, they’ll suspect something anyway. And I need allies. I need them close. If they walk now, I’m alone—and alone in here is a death sentence.
I glance past Ezzy. Rowan stands stiff, blocking the door, arms crossed and jaw tight, but his eyes haven’t left me once.Finn’s more relaxed, but not casual, like he’s trying not to spook something fragile. They seem decent... but I’ve seen decent turn quick. Kindness doesn’t mean loyalty, and I don’t know who the hell I can trust in here.
Fingers twitch at my side, magic stirring, recharging.
Neither choice is good. Both could get me killed. But silence, being alone in here? Yeah, that’ll do it faster. And Quinn said Ezzy’s the best in the class. Definitely not someone I want turning against me.
But honestly? I’m too fucking tired to keep fighting. Maybe it’s the wrong call. Maybe I’ll regret it the second the words leave my mouth. And right now? Right now I just want to get out of this room and back to the dorm as fast as I can.
So I tell them. I tell them about my Threads, that I have no idea how to control them, how to use them. That after my mum died I pretty much taught myself. Guesswork. Instinct. Failure after failure. That I always knew there was something powerful under the surface.... but not like today. Nothing likethat.
I risk a glance up, half-expecting regret, some flicker that says they’re already questioning why they bothered with me. But none of them move, no one backs away.
The rush in my chest eases, and my breathing softens with it. I should have stopped there, I’d already said enough, but once it started I just couldn’t keep it in.
Merrin, the deal. How I didn’t come here by choice—how it was dressed up like mercy, but felt more like a leash. One month. Mum’s journals. And maybe, maybe, a way back to Bren. To home. To everything I’d left behind.
Maybe it was stupid. Laying it all out like that in front of people I barely know. People who could use it against me. But maybe that’s also why I did it, because they don’t know me, don’t expect anything from me.
Once I’d finished—whatever it was, a breakdown, a confession, a collapse—I waited for the fallout.
But across from me, Ezzy’s hands just twitched, and she looked like she was two seconds from pulling me into a hug I’d definitely suffocate in. I stopped her with a look before she tried. Even Rowan gave me this quiet glance. Not pity. Just… recognition. Like he knows what it’s like to carry something alone for too long.
For a second, I didn’t know what to do with it. With them. I’ve never had that. I’ve always handled things alone, because I had to. Lost too many, trusted the wrong ones. Even Bren, I kept at a distance. Let him see my skin, not my cracks. Always figured if he saw too much, he’d walk.
Losing control, almost killing someone, that scared the hell out of me. Still does.
But this?
Letting the truth show. Being seen and not discarded? That’s new. And maybe not as terrifying… but it’s fucking close.
Finn finally broke the silence, nodded toward the Rec Hall. Said sometimes, when his head won’t shut up, when things feel foggy, beating the shit out of a training dummy helps.
I gave him half a smile. Said I wasn’t sure I could trust myself to stop swinging. He laughed, then backed off.
Ezzy looked like she wanted to say something else—maybe push, maybe comfort—but in the end, she didn’t. So before things could get awkward, more awkward, I told them I was heading back to the dorm. Nodded to my arm, said I should probably patch it up before I bled all over the floor and thank fuck they let me go, no one stopped me.
Back in the room,the door clicks shut behind me and silence wraps around everything, thick and unmoving. No voices. Nofootsteps. No one asking if I’m alright, no one trying to kill me. Just me.
