A beat.
“Kiss me like it’s the first time.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Talen doesn't move. Not at first. Just stands there, staring at me like I’ve torn something open in him.
Then slowly,god, slowly he steps in.
One hand lifts, fingers brushing a line from my jaw to the edge of my cheek, featherlight, tilting my head back. My next inhale cuts off sharp.
The air between us humming, thick with every word we haven’t said and every one we just did. My eyes lost in his, and as his thumb skims the corner of my mouth, I swear the world narrows to that one single point of contact.Just him. My lips part on instinct, not begging, but close.
Then his other hand tightens on my hip, not pulling me closer, but holding me back.His voice breaks, forehead dropping to mine.
“I can’t.”
The words shatter through me and although he’s still touching me, still here, somehow it feels like he’s already a million miles away.
“I want to,” he murmurs. “Fuck, Lyra, Iwantto.”
My chest aches. “Then why?—”
“Because if I kiss you right now.” He pulls back further, lifting his head from mine, voice lower, rougher, and too damn honest. “I won’t want to let you go... And Ihaveto, because people like me?” He shakes his head. “We don’t get to keep good things. We ruin them or we lose them. Usually both.”
His hand drops from my skin, and the way he looks at me, it’s like he’s already decided something I’m not part of.
But I don’t move.
I don’t let him go. Instead, I step forward—closing the distance he tried to create—and press my palm to his chest. Then I lift my chin, make sure he’s looking at me when I say it.
“You don’t get to decide who I give my heart to. Or how I risk it.” My voice is steady. The rhythm in my chest isn’t. “That’smychoice. Not yours.”
Something flickers in his eyes, hope or pain, I can't tell.
“I know what this is,” I press on. “You’re scared. So am I. But I’m done pretending it’s not real just because it might hurt.”
His throat works, but no sound comes out. Still, I can feel the tension rolling off him, desperate, as his heart pounds beneath my hand, like he’s one breath away from breaking or bolting.
But I know he wants this; he said it, he's just scared, trying to be admirable. Scared of hurting me. But I’m willing to take that risk, I want this, I wanthim, all of him. And if he’s too deep in his own head to reach for it, then fine—I’ll do it for both of us.
I step back toward the bed, fingers finding the knot at my robe. For a moment, my heart hitches, not doubt, just reality settling in—this is real now. This is me,choosing himfully,despite everything. I inhale, steadying myself, and slowly I tug it loose.
Talen goes still.
His eyes track every movement as I slip it from my shoulders, letting it drop, fabric pooling at my feet. The cool night air bites across my bare skin, but I don’t flinch. I just reach up, unfastenmy hair, it falls in waves—messy, wet, catching at the tops of my breasts.
His eyes narrow, chest rising heavy. “Lyra,” his voice hoarse. “I told you before, I’m not myself beyond the Innerland Veils. Out here, I have less…self-control. If you push, I will break.”
“Good.” I step back until the mattress catches behind my knees, then sink down. My bare thighs shift over the soft cotton sheets, hands bracing behind me as I let my knees fall open, lazy and unapologetic. “That’s what I’m counting on.”
Across from me, Talen’s still fixed in place at the dresser. Arms behind him, braced on the wood like it's the only thing holding him up. Knuckles white, shoulders rigid, every inch of himwired. But his eyes? God. They stay locked between my thighs like he’s starving for something he doesn’t believe he’s allowed to want.
He’s holding the line.
So I decide to cross it.
Carefully,I let my fingertips drift over the edge of my hip, then lower, slower, until I find the soft skin of my inner thigh. A small tremor rolls through me, like my body’s already bracing for what’s coming next.
