I got in the fucking way. Because I was too angry, too angry at Talen to be able to see past what was really going on.
My lungs feel too tight. My mouth goes dry, but my chest is buzzing—hot and hollow—because the dots are connecting too fast and too late and I can’t stop them.
He has daughters.
And now?—
Talen’s voice comes back to me, a memory from earlier, slicing through the spiral.
You don’t know what you’re doing. I’m not your enemy. But keep going, and I will be.
I stagger back a step, air caught in my chest like I’ve been hit.
“No,” I breathe, head shaking. “No, no... I didn't know... I...”
Did I just get that man killed?
My hands lift uselessly, palms open like I can offer something, fix something, but I don’t even know what I’m holding anymore.
And I don’t know.
God, I don’t know.
I look at Talen. Really look at him.
“I don’t understand what's going on.” My voice is raw.“You won’t tell me anything.”
His gaze softens. The muscle in his face eases, just a fraction, and the lines around his eyes pull tight in a way that isn’t anger—it’s understanding.
“Don't you think I wish I fucking could?” The words come out tight and tired, like they’ve been sitting in his chest too long.“I wish I could give you answers, I wish I could tell you everything,but I'm trying to protect you, protect others. God, everything I’ve done since you got here was to protect you.”
He shakes his head once, breath pulling tight. “But it’s not just about you, Lyra. Every answer I give you, every truth I let slip—it doesn’t just put you in danger. It puts everything around you at risk.” His eyes flick to mine, and this time he doesn’t look away. “I need you to just trust me.”
Everything I’ve done since you got here was to protect you.
Is it? When I arrived he said he wanted me dead. Was that real, or just bait to keep others away and keep me safe? I don’t know, I don't know anything. I want to believe him, god, I want to, but belief without proof is a blade pressed to my own throat. I can’t afford to be wrong, not if I want answers.I just want to know if he’s on my side. That’s it. Just that. Just once.
“You want me to trust you,” I stress, “then give me something real. Something that proves I’m not just a pawn in whatever game you’re playing. Look me in the eye and say,‘I’m doing something to protect you, I'm doing something to protect others,’and seal it with a Truth String.”
His mouth moves like the objection is already forming, but then he sees it. The shift in my face. The fact that I already know why he can’t.
“But you can’t…” I realise, as my posture softens. “Because if that's true, if youaretrying to protect me and you gave me a String, it wouldn’t just be reassurance. It’d be proof. Proof you’re doing something you shouldn’t be.” The words come faster now. “That’s why Professor Strannt asked if you’d ever given me a Truth String—because if I’d said yes, he would’ve asked what it was for. He could’ve kept pushing. And then he’d know.” My throat tightens. “Not just know, he would haveevidenceyou’re hiding something.”
Talen exhales hard, like the weight of it finally broke loose in his chest. “Yes, yes, that’s exactly fucking why. Evenyou knowing I’m hiding something is dangerous enough. But binding it with a Truth String—” He shakes his head once, rakes his fingers through his hair again. “That’s the ultimate admission.”
“But if he has it out for you,” I continue, brows pinched, “why didn't he ask about the relationship? I know he suspects it's fake, or even just asked if I’ve seen you do anything suspicious?”
“I’m sure if he’d had more time with you, he would’ve.” His hands curl into a fist at his side, knuckles white. “But digging for dirt just to get me Reassigned, killed, that’s not what Professor Strannt’s after. He wants proof. Something solid.” Pausing, he exhales through his nose. “Fuck. This is all my fault. I didn’t think he would be stupid enough to try anything with you. But after today... after he saw you standing in front of the baker's door, protecting him and my reaction to it.” Talen scrubs a hand over his face as my chest tightens. “And look, I get it. I know why you did it, stepped up. I’m not blaming you for that, this is on me. I let you see too much, let you hear more than I ever should’ve.” He swallows hard. Shakes his head. “I just... I didn’t want you tohate me.I wanted you to know I’m not your enemy. But fuck, even that was a mistake.”
I don’t know what to believe. The pulse behind my ribs returns, not as fast but just as hard.
He’s right there in front of me, watching me with that intent, careful look—like he’s one breath away from reaching out, and I’m one breath away from letting him. But then he turns and starts to pace, measured and tight, like he’s walking off a fight he can’t have.
“This was so much easier when you thought I wanted to kill you.” He mutters, each step sharper than the last. “At least then I could keep my distance. Keep you safe. But then you had to go and save Ezzy from that prick Elijah, and the only thing I could think of—” He stops. Laughs once. No humour in it. “—was enacting the goddamn Union Clause. Forcing you to chain yourself to me.”
The pressure in my chest climbs, crowding my head, blurring my thoughts—and the longer he talks, the more dangerously close it all feels to making sense.
That’s the part that gets me. Itmakes sense—if he’s protecting people, then telling meanythingjust puts them at risk. Especially if Weasel Senior can pull Truth Strings out of me while my Threads are still this unstable.
