Sometimes I wonder who’s more guarded—him or me, though he finally told me who he likes. He’d hinted at someone over the break, but now he’s finally told me who. Not someone the Citadel would approve of though, so he’s keeping it quiet.
And he’s actually pretty funny, too. Not like Finn, all chaos and loud jokes. Rowan’s the kind of funny that creeps up on you—dry, deadpan, the kind that makes you pause before it hits.
I feel closer to him lately.
It’s... nice.
Even if he does get a little annoyed when I push too hard. I’m persistent, yeah, but I’m not patient. Still, Rowan says that’s not how this place works; if we want answers here, we have to be slow, careful, undetected. It’s frustrating as hell. Still, when he steps away to grab another volume, I can't help myself; I flip open a book on Innerland Veil protection and tear out the one page that looks even remotely useful, shoving it in my pocket and snapping it shut before he comes back.
After an hour or two, my eyes start to hurt, “I need a break,” I mutter, turning to Rowan with a sharp exhale. “The text’s just blurring together now, and there’s nothing here.”
“We’ll find something. I know it.”
I shake my head. “Not sure how you can be so sure.” My voice stays low. “You know... You don’t need to keep helping me. I know Ezzy’s not exactly thrilled about it, and…” I glance down the table “…if anyone figures out what we’re actually looking for.”
Rowan leans in slightly, lowering his voice. “I know, I’ve thought about that.”He sighs, and for a moment, the edge of something flickers in his eyes, guilt, maybe. Or fear.“But I didn’t sign up here because I believe in all this anymore; I signed up because of Ezzy. She wanted this life, and I wanted to protect her. I owe her, her family, everything. They took me in, raised me. She’s my cousin, but I see her as my sister, she’s all I’ve got.”
He swallows, gaze drifting. “And that Ashvale attack? We werethere. It could’ve been us. It could’ve beenher. I used to think I understood how the world worked. That we were on the right side of the wall. That what we were doing mattered.” Abeat. “I was raised on their sermons. Their promises. Iwantedto believe them. Some days I still wish I could. It would’ve been easier to stay blind, to swallow it all down and keep going.”
His fingers brush mine, just barely, but I feel the tension in him, coiled like a spring.
“Ezzy still believes,” he continues, “I don’t want to take that from her, and I really don't want her getting caught up in anything. But I couldn’t keep feeding myself those lies, they didn't make sense anymore, and once I started asking questions... I couldn’t stop. Especially with what's going on with the dragons and those people I saw with black eyes... My priority is always to keep Ezzy safe, and I know there's something going on here, not just the usual bad stuff the Citadel is up to, but something more, something that runs deeper than what’s on the surface.”
He looks at me again, more open now, like something’s come loose inside him.
“You lost everything, Lyra. And I want to help you figure out why. Not just for you. For me too.”
His words hit harder than I expect. My throat tightens, eyes sting, and fuck, one stupid tear escapes. I wipe it fast, rough, like it never happened, and shove a tight smile at him instead.
I used to think all Innerlanders were brainwashed sheep, loyal to the Citadel to their last breath. But Rowan... he sees it for what it is, maybe not to the same extent as me, but he's at least asking questions, and I can't help but wonder, are there others like him?
Rowan gives my hand a small squeeze, gentle and grounding, just as the light shifts. A shadow slices across the table. I look up, Talen looms over us, silent, eyes locked on Rowan’s hand still resting over mine. Not moving, not blinking, just watching. Then:
“Didn't take you for the academic type, Bloom.” he teases.
Air snags in my throat, pulse kicks up—not because we’re doing anything wrong, but because he’s standing too close, staring too hard, and all I can think about is how those lips felt on mine. It was a mistake, he knows it, I know it. But the way he’s staring at Rowan’s hand—like it doesn’t belong there, like he wants to tear it off—makes me wonder...
No,shit, don't go there. It's a bad idea on so many levels. I need to lock these feelings down. If I can't control my want, how the hell am I going to be able to control my Threads, my magic?
I just want to ignore it all,ignore him,but I need Rowan to believe this relationship is real. Talen hasn't done anything to hurt me, but would he do something to them if they found out? I mean, Talen would also be Reassigned if anyone knew this was fake.
“Rowan is helping me with some Thread Theory”, I reply with the nicest smile I can muster.
He cuts his gaze to Rowan, voice low, almost casual, but his shoulders go rigid and his hand flexes like he’s restraining himself. “Hmmm. That's all it is? Nothing I should be worried about, considering how close you’re sitting to my partner?”
Rowan doesn’t shift, doesn’t even lift his hand, just lets a small, knowing smile creep across his mouth. “Luckily for you, she’s not my type.”
Talen’s brow arches. “Redheads?”
“Females.” Rowan replies smoothly. “Physically, you’re much more my type than her. If anyone should be jealous here, it’s Lyra.”
The tips of Talen’s ears go scarlet, and a flush follows fast across his face.I bite back a laugh, but I can't help it; a grin still claws its way free. There’s something so addictive about seeing him caught off guard, stripped of that perfect composure—even if it only lasts a heartbeat before the wall slams back into place.
“Are you coming?” He asks finally, voice flat again as he turns to me.
“For what?”
“Your training,” he replies. “It starts now.”
