“I don’t know how it happened,” she rushes on, cheeks already turning pink. “One second, I was about to throw something at his head and the next, my mouth was on his.”
“Wait, wait, slow down. Who are we talking about?Finn?” She doesn’t answer, but her face gives it away—lips pressed tight, eyes wide, that blush creeping all the way to her ears. “What did he say? Did he kiss you back?”
“I don’t know! Maybe? Yes? I think so?” She’s practically flailing now. “I said sorry.”
“You kissed him... and then apologised?”
“I didn’t know what else to do,” Ezzy hands flutter like she’s trying to physically shake the memory out of her head. “It just... happened so fast. I kissed him, panicked, pulled away, said sorry, and that was it. We went back to pretending it never happened.”
“When was this?”
“A week ago. We met up over the break.”
I snort. “Okay, but that’s a good thing, right? I mean, half the Citadel knows you two are desperate for each other.”
She groans, tipping her head back. “No, it’s not a good thing. I mean... yeah. I guess I like him. Stars, I don’t know.” Her voice drops. “But his family would never approve. He’s got, like, four brothers—all of them high-ranking officers stationed in the Air Realm—and they treat him like he’s supposed to be the next great war hero or whatever. And I met his parents once. It was obvious. I’m not their type. Not even close.”
“And you think he cares about that?”
She shrugs, arms folding across her chest. “Sometimes he’s so warm, and then other times he just... pulls away. I don’t know what he wants.”
“Oh, Ezzy. Come on.” I bump her shoulder. “He likes you. He’s just got shit going on in his head. You need to actually talk to him about it, not kiss and run.”
She makes a sound halfway between a sigh and a groan—her lips pull thinner, still unsure. But then something shifts. Her eyes catch on something past my shoulder and widen, I turn to see Rowan and Finn walking towards us.
“Oh, hey guys,” she calls, smiling like nothing’s wrong, “sorry we ran off, needed to catch up with Lyra. You know, Talen stuff.”
“No fair. I want the Nightrose updates too,” Finn grins. “But you can fill us in at the Rec Hall. We’re gonna train for a bit, hang out. You coming?”
Ezzy nods, but then glances to me, waiting.
I could say no, last semester I would’ve—made some excuse, gone back to my room, buried myself in mum’s journal and pretended I didn’t need any of this. Pretended I didn’t need them. But this time it’s different. I do need them. And more than that... I like them.
“Sure,” I say to Finn. “But I’m not promising I won’t kick your ass.”
He laughs. “After what I heard you did to Strannt, I’m pretty sure you could.”
That night,I lie in bed, sore from sparring, mum’s journal balanced open in my lap. Ezzy’s combat still needs work—her footwork’s sloppy, balance all over the place—but I promised I’d help her tighten it up. The guys are good, sure, but they don’t understand the way a woman moves—where we’re weaker, and where we’re stronger. A few small adjustments, and I know she’ll sharpen fast.
We’ve been talking for hours. Now she’s curled on her side, hair spilling across the pillow, her voice trailing off mid-sentence about Finn’s smile. She’s been tying herself in knots over him all night, and I just kept listening, tossing in the occasional shove of advice so she wouldn’t spiral too far. I want them to figure it out already; the two of them make sense.
She asked how I knew Talen was a good fit, how we got together despite, well… everything.
Guilt caught in my throat. I promised no more lies, and I wasn’t about to start, so I swallowed hard and tried to scrape together anything true.Said that although I'm meant to fear him, hate him, he's done nothing but help me, save me, since I arrived. Even if his version of help means forcing me to face my fear of heights or pushing me to beat the shit out of Strannt.
Ezzy nodded like it all made perfect sense. Which should bring relief, but watching her agree, like it was the simplest thing in the world, left a tightness in my chest. Because every word I used to convince her was the same truth I’ve been trying to ignore. And hearing them out loud only made it harder to keep control over what I already know I want.Him.
Her breathing evens out, soft and steady, and the room finally quiets. I should sleep too, but my mind keeps driftingback to Talen, the Snare Urchin. So I bury myself in mum’s journals instead, let the words drag me somewhere else.
Read between the lines. That’s what Merrin said. I do. I’ve skimmed over almost every page looking for any link to what's going on, but whatever he thinks is hiding here—if anything—it’s not for me to find. Page after page, it’s just mum. Honest. Unfiltered. Raw in a way I wasn’t prepared for, and always so certain of her opinions when it comes to Merrin, every mention of him is clipped, polite enough to pass, but there’s a chill under the ink. Like she never trusted him.
I don’t get it. Why give me the journals if they paint him like this? Unless… maybe that is the point. Maybe that’s what he wants me to see. Or question?
The lamplight blurs the ink, mum’s bold handwriting cutting across paper like it always has. But the meaning—whatever truth hides here—slips through me until eventually I let the book drop and give in to sleep.
Frost crunchesunder my boots as we cross the courtyard, breath crisp in the morning air. First class of the new semester: Thread Theory with Professor Holloway.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Finn notes, glancing sideways at Ezzy.
