Tight.
Winter’s coming.You can taste it in the air—clean and dry, with that faint sting of frost that burns on the inhale. The kind of cold that sinks straight into your ribs if you’ve already got bruises there. Mine throb with every drag of air, still tender from yesterday’s fight. But I still smile. Strannt’s expression when I floored him? Worth every second of pain.
Beside me, Ezzy groans as Finn sneaks another glance at Beth across the courtyard, and Rowan, predictably, doesn’t even look up from his book.
Our packs sit heavy at our feet, stuffed for our overnight training assignment to the Outerlands. I'm glad it's the four of us, but it’s too clean to be a coincidence. Almost definitely Talen’s doing, no idea why he’d bother.
I didn’t see him this morning. Not that I care. He’s probably gone already. Probably won’t ever see him again. Hopefully won’t ever see him again.... Unless it’s from a distance. Like, across a market square. Through a crowd. Preferably while someone’s punching him in the face. Yeah, that’d be nice. Cathartic.
Two officers flank our group. Luckily for me, Strannt isn’t one of them, small victories. These two are your standard-issue, machine-built officers. No personality, no spark, just walking protocol. Neither speak, which honestly suits me just fine.
Another cold breeze drags down my throat, but I don’t tense. My shoulders drop, and I let the breath out slow. Because god,I’m going home. I made it. Can’t quite believe it, even now. One final training assignment, and by tomorrow, I’m out. Free. No more uniforms. No more eyes on my back. No more pretending I belong in a place like this. Rhiann, Nessi, Bren, my mum’s journals. They’re all waiting for me. And yet, there’s this feeling. Low in my chest, strange and unsettling. Not doubt. Not regret. Just... tight. Because I’m leavingthem.
Ezzy coughs beside me, and when I glance over, her brows are drawn, arms folded tight, eyes locked dead ahead. I follow her gaze. Beth. Standing right in front of us. Perfect black hair, over her perfect skin. And now, thanks to Talen’s sketchbook, I’ll never unsee what she looks like naked. Finn stiffens beside me as if he's imagining the same thing.
“Oh, hey,” she says, voice smooth, a little too sweet. “Didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.” I pause. A hard skip punches through me. Does she know I’m leaving? Does she know about Merrin, the deal? Before I can answer, she adds quickly, “You know, for the half-term. Semester break and all that.”
“Oh. Right.” I nod too fast. “Of course.”
Semester break. I’d nearly forgotten that was even a thing, probably because I won’t be here. Feels early for a break, but Rowan told me it’s part of the game. The Citadel likes to dangle it just soon enough to lull cadets into thinking they’ve found a rhythm. Then they snap the trap shut. The rest of the year is brutal, Call Week,Second-year Trials, and constant Demonstrations. No more breathers. Just pressure.
Beth holds out her hand, and by reflex, I take it. Her grip is light, but her nail catches along the side of my finger as she pulls away. A sharp little drag that makes me flinch.
“Oh, sorry.” She laughs. “I keep forgetting how long they get when I’m stressed.” Then, like it’s an afterthought: “It was pretty awesome, by the way. You knocking out Strannt like that? Thatguy’s such a perv. Honestly, someone needed to put him on his ass.” She gives a little wave, already turning away. “Anyway, see you next month.”
As she disappears into the crowd, Finn leans in. “Personally,” he says, “I’d be more than happy to getheron her ass.” Ezzy groans and smacks the back of his head. Rowan still doesn’t even glance up from his book. “What?” Finn shrugs, grinning. “Just trying to be supportive.”
I’m about to tell him to stop digging a hole when a hand brushes my shoulder. I turn to find Merrin behind me—red robes, calm face, unreadable as ever.
Beside me, Ezzy straightens on instinct, her fingers twitch toward her hair, smoothing it down like that’ll somehow change what he sees. “Good morning, High Chancellor,” she nods, too formal.
Merrin returns a quick smile, then turns his eyes to me.
“A quick word before you head out, Cadet Bloom. If you may.”
Ezzy gives me a small, silent smile, bittersweet and quiet, and reaches down to squeeze my hand, just once. She doesn’t say anything; she doesn’t have to. This is it—one month, done, deal closed. I get the journals, finally.
I follow Merrin as he leaves the courtyard and turns down a narrow side corridor. His red robes whisper against stone. At the end, he opens a wooden door and steps inside without looking back. For a breath I hesitate but then I lock my jaw and follow. The door closes behind us with a quiet click.
“Have you thought about staying?” He asks, cutting right to it.
I blink. Is he fucking serious?
“Not a chance.” I snort.
“Yes.” His lips twitch, not quite a smile. “I thought as much. Though it’s a shame, the professors were all very impressed,once they got past the shock. What you have, it’s not something we see every day. Not like this. Untapped. Untrained. If you had chosen to stay, to learn to shape it… You might’ve done more than great things.”
“To what end?” I ask. “Be carved into another weapon? Silencing people, like you made my mother do?”
“Well, we all serve in our own ways.”
I shake my head. “I’m not interested in your version of service.”
“I didn’t say whose version.” He half-smiles then continues. “I’ve arranged your final training assignment to be overnight in Ashvale. You’ll finish today’s patrol, and as of midnight you are no longer a Citadel cadet, if that remains your wish.”
“It does.”
He nods. “Then I’ll ensure your mother’s journals are delivered as promised.” He takes a step closer. There’s a softness in his voice now, something that wasn’t there before. “When you do read them… do try and read between the lines. Some answers, you’ll need to find for yourself. Not because I don’t want to give them to you. But because I can’t. When the time comes, I think you’ll see why.” He meets my gaze, steady, almost apologetic. “I had hoped you wouldn’t make the same mistake your mother did. She had the potential to protect a great many people. As do you.”
