“Kit-kat,” Simon says gently. “Marcus is packing.”
The fight drains out of me in an instant. “Wh-what?”
“He won’t talk to anyone. He won’t be stopped.”
I launch myself from my nest. I may be angry with him, but I didn’t want him toleave. Saints, I think with a scowl, I thought I meant more to him than leaving after a single fight… unless. Oh. I realize as I scramble down the stairs that Ididtell him to get out, just as I once told Simon, accidentally commanding him with my affinity. “Shit!”
I hurtle myself into his room and grasp his hand. It’s only then that he stills, a folded shirt in his other hand. Slowly, so slowly, he turns his hand and laces his fingers with mine, careful to avoid the enchanted bandages healing me from the omega trap I escaped from. He looks at me with pure devastation in his eyes.
“You-you’re packing?”
“You want me gone, Juniper. You just said so.”
“I wanted you gone from mynest,” I say softly. “Not my life.”
“You used your affinity on me,” he says dejectedly, and it’s like an arrow to my heart.
“Not… not intentionally. Sometimes, I can’t control it. I’m sorry. I don’t… I don’t want you to leave.”
He squeezes my hand and uses the other to guide my chin until I’m looking in his eyes, nearly drowning in the sorrow I see there.
“Then what do you want from me, Juniper? Because there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t give you.”
I look away, escaping his touch so I can breathe. How can I look at him after such a statement? A statement I know to be utterly, completely, devotedly true? I press my lips together and slowly take a shirt out of his duffle bag, crossing the room to put it back in the open dresser drawer. I take the silent moment to look around the room, and somehow, it’s filled with us. The scarf I knit him hangs off the headboard. Framed pictures of us line the top of his dresser, and the set of first editions I gifted him are proudly displayed at the top of his short bookshelf.
“I want the truth.”
He sits down heavily on the bed, tossing a pair of jeans aside. “You already know the truth. I’m not immune to you. I never have been. I’ve been lying to you since the day we met.”
Tears slip down my cheeks, and I can’t face him, instead looking through the pictures on his dresser with watery eyes. I pick up one of the framed pictures and stroke my hands across it. He’d caught me curled up in the couch at my cottage, wrapped in blankets, reading a book, a fire crackling in the hearth. I hadn’t even noticed him taking the picture, but here it is.
“To what end, Marcus? Why did you lie for so long?”
He sighs heavily, and though I don’t turn to face him, Ifeel his attention on me like a mantle on my shoulders. “Because protecting you was more important than the way I felt. Your safety was more important than my feelings for you. Juniper, I’m in love with you. I have been since the day I met you.”
The tiniest spark of hope flares alive in my chest at his words. Saints above, Marcus is in love with me.
“But that day, I knew I wasn’t immune to you the moment I crossed the threshold into Rose Manor. I was going to withdraw as your honor guard. I fully intended to tell you the truth that day. And then your father tried to hex you, and I reacted the way I was trained to. I protected you. And something in me… something snapped when I looked at you. When I healed those cuts on your palm. I knew right then that I had to protect you, no matter the cost.”
My heart stutters in my throat as I finally turn to face him. Unshed tears shine in his eyes.
“No matter what I felt,” he concludes. “No matter how much I loved you.”
I swallow hard, fresh tears springing to the corners of my eyes and slipping down my cheeks. “You’re not allowed to say that you love me. Not after you lied to me for so long.” Not when I want it to be the truest thing he’s ever said to me. Not when I know, deep in my heart, that it is. “Maybe I didn’t want your protection. Maybe I wanted…”
He stands and crosses the room to me, taking my cheek in one hand and brushing my tears away with the other. This close to him, I can see the gray flecks in his eyes.
“Wanted what? What do you want from me, Juniper? Please, tell me. Anything, and it’s yours. I meant it when I said there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t give you.”
I choke on a ragged sob at his words. In truth, Iknowwhat I want. I want to curl into his arms. I want to be his. I want what we had. Our intimacy. Our closeness. That more-than-friendship closeness we’ve always shared. And more than that… I want so much more from him. But my broken heart aches at his lies. Saints, I know what I want, but I can’t admit it to him. I can’t admit that, more than anything he could give me, I want his love. “I… I don’t want you to leave. I need time. And I need you to be honest with me.”
He steps away and bows his head, shame flitting across his face. “Forever more, Juniper. I promise I’ll never lie to you again.”
I nod jerkily. “Time,” I repeat. “Whatever this is… whatever it could be, it’s going to take time.”
He nods his understanding. “If all it can ever be is me protecting you, being your bodyguard, I would be content.”
“I wouldn’t,” I say quietly. Saints, I’m half tempted to fling myself into his arms right now. Instead, I duck my head, wish Marcus a good night, and flee to my nest.
