I look out across the infirmary, take a deep breath, and draw my scribe, throwing myself into the chaos.
CHAPTER16
Iwork through the day, tending to my fellow students. Cassian and Marcus never stray from my side as I move from infirmary bed to infirmary bed.
The carnage is immeasurable and unimaginable. The iron scent of blood hangs in the air around us, drowning out everything else, overpowering the scents of the alpha students we treat. The Soldiers spared no one. Alphas and betas suffer in equal measure.
Saints, Doc still hasn’t emerged from tending to Bitsy.
Professors weren’t spared either, aside from Cadigan. They nurse their wounds and limp along together, treating each other and performing simple healing magic on students where they can. Doc’s mate, Daniel, who co-taught our Restorative Magic class with the omega healer, assesses every student, directing professors, me and Alyssa to those with wounds we can tend to.
Alyssa and I go through stack after stack of linens and bandages as we clean and wrap gruesome wounds. Most are burns from combat hexes, but like Simon, many also support bruises. I bind broken ribs and splint broken fingers, seal wounds and heal abrasions, and apply so many pain relief spells that I lose count.
My affinity pricks with awareness in the middle of the afternoon, a sweet tug of longing and a tidal wave of relief washing through me as Ian catches my eye across the length of the ward. He’s desperate to come to me, to wrap me in his long arms and hold me until our terror has dulled. But we can’t. Not in front of half of Fairhaven’s student body.
I dip my head in a nod of understanding. I need Ian right now, but Fairhaven Academy needs him more. Finally, his shoulders heave in a sigh and he returns my nod.
Doc finally surfaces from her work healing Bitsy, fatigue tracing lines around her dark eyes. She scrubs the omega’s blood from her hands and then comes over to me and Alyssa, looking as weary as I feel.
“I can’t even begin to express my gratitude. I couldn’t have handled this without your help. Please, go home and get some rest. Daniel and I can handle it from here.”
Alyssa moves to protest, but Darika stops her with a pleading look and a soft touch to the back of her hand. My omega best friend finally nods. Cassian, Marcus and I walk them back to Alyssa’s cottage in the omega residences, but Cassian insists on taking me back to the pack house.
I collapse on the couch as soon as I’ve changed out of my bloodied clothes and scrubbed the blood from my hands and arms. Cassian is at my side in an instant, pressing against me as though he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he stops touching me.
With nothing left to distract me, to keep my horrific thoughts at bay, I crumble. The tears I’ve held back all day escape in a rush, and I have to take a few shuddering breaths before I’m even able to speak.
“Professor Cadigan was in on the attack. He expected it. He made a show of casting wards, but they were never intended to protect us. He thought… he thought the attack would finally be the end of me.”
Cassian shifts me onto his lap, a low growl rumbling in his chest as he holds me closer, but when he sees how upset I am, that growl turns into his deep alpha purr. “You have to talk to Ian, Junes.”
I close my eyes and bite my lip, but nod. “I know. I should have told him sooner. I just… I’m afraid he won’t believe me.”
“If he doesn’t believe you, then the bastard doesn’t deserve you,” Marcus growls.
“Marcus is right,” Cassian bites out. “If he doesn’t believe you, I’ll beat the sense into him myself.”
I duck my head because this is all my fault. If I had trusted Ian, if I hadn’t been such a coward, this attack could have been prevented. But I doubted him, and I doubted myself, wanting to be absolutely certain that what my affinity was telling me was true.
Saints, I’m terrified and distraught and fuckingfurious. Rad did this all to punish me.
To show me what happens to omegas who don’t obey.
To show me his results.
Hundreds were injured, hexed by mind-controlled omegas, all to prove a point.
I shudder, curling closer to Cassian, letting his summery scent hew off the sharpest edges of my terror.
If the Soldiers of Saint Aldous wanted to make people afraid, they succeeded, just as Rad did.
The infirmary was awash in terror, and I felt it. I felt all of it.
“This is all my fault,” I murmur. “Rad did this to punish me.”
“No, Junes,” Cassian murmurs, stroking my hair and pressing a kiss to my temple. “Marcus was right earlier. You can’t blame yourself, even if Rad did this to hurt you. You can only control your own actions, not his.”
“I’ll never behave well enough to stop him from hurting me,” I realize, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks. It’s just like I told Willow this summer. Rad has made me the target of his vitriol, of his rage. I’m just a vessel for him to funnel all his worst impulses into.
