But when I look up into his eyes, I catch the same expression in them I saw on New Year’s Eve.
Longing.
I’ve never caught Marcus’ emotions before, nor have I tried to read his thoughts and feelings. In general, I don’t actively try to read my men or my friends at all, because it doesn’t feel right. We’re all allowed our private thoughts, and I do everything I can to allow them theirs. I catch errant thoughts and emotions from time to time, but I make it a point not to seek them out.
But with Marcus, there have never been errant thoughts or overpowering emotions to bombard my affinity. I’ve always written it off as just another aspect of his stoic self discipline and never thought much more about it.
Now, as his chest heaves against mine with the shuddering breath he takes, I feel his emotions for the first time.
And Marcus Haley, who has always been so steady, so unflappable, roils with fury.
Fury and regret so potent, I recoil like I’ve been burned. I search his eyes for only a second before my courage fails me, and I sprint up the stairs to my nest.
CHAPTER32
Term starts a few days later, and I’m glad for the distraction. It means I can finally stop running the moment I shared with Marcus over and over again in my mind, trying to understand what happened. It means I can finally think about something that isn’t how enthralling his scent was when it deepened when we touched.
The new school term brings with it its own share of complications.
The headmaster hasn’t found a replacement for Professor Cadigan yet and has been so pleased with our progress under Ian’s tutelage that he remains our Intermediate Casting teacher. We return to leaving the pack house at different times so we don’t arrive at campus together. The two of us are careful not to touch in class and out of it. We sneak around, as though we’re ashamed, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The only reprieve we get on campus is the time we share together on Monday nights. Though I’m technically Sienna’s research assistant, my time spent helping Ian with his research is well known. While only a few know about the dangerous magic we’re researching, and perhaps some professors think that us working together is unseemly, as Professor Cadigan did, those that know the truth about our research have judged it best to look the other way.
The world needs Ian’s research.
When I arrive at his office that evening, he ushers me inside quickly and starts scribbling sigils across a rolling chalkboard he’s wheeled into his office. I recognize the magical calculus he writes out and I know the sigils he draws, punctuating each with the crack of his chalk against the board, but I don’t yet know enough to understand it.
“What do you notice about this equation?”
I study the blackboard until my eyes burn, but then I see it.
“It’s unbalanced. The first line, it’s missing something.”
“Exactly! Oh, my brilliant, beautiful darling. Come, see what I uncovered just before you got here.”
He sits me down in his desk chair and his scent rises to meet me, bergamot and cedar, and saints, it’s so deliciously distracting. But I force myself to focus and my focus is rewarded.
“Is that… Ian, is that the Ever Ember hex?”
“Saints, I would kiss you right now if it wasn’t so damn risky.”
We’re already too close, so close I can feel the heat of his body behind mine.
A knock sounds at the door, and we spring apart.
I quickly tuck the book we’d just been examining away as he answers the door and pray to the saints that we don’t look as guilty as I feel, smiling at the young beta woman who enters Ian’s office as I flip the chalkboard over to its blank side.
“Professor, do you have time to help me with a spell?” she asks.
“Of course, Miss Pfaltzgraff. Please have a seat.”
He casts me an apologetic look, but I shake my head. I know well what it’s like to need help with my spellwork and Ian’s first priority has to be his students.
“Professor?” I ask, catching Ian’s eye. “I’m just going to collect a few of these books and put them away, since they haven’t proven useful.”
They have, in fact, proven useful enough, their contents obscure and dangerous. I don’t think any student looking for help would stop to look in any of them, but it’s better to take precautions.
Ian casts me a thankful smile. “Thank you, Miss Rose. We’ll resume our research shortly. I know Miss Pfaltzgraff will master this spell in no time.”
