And if he is, how did Radknow? Sure, I’ve been seen with Luca, but we were careful. Touching like lovers, kissing, only when we knew we wouldn’t be seen.
I can still feel his touch, the brush of his calloused fingertips over my collarbones, along the curve of my hip. How I had yearned to see those tattooed hands moving over my body.
I miss him.
Underlying the maelstrom of fear, anger, and sorrow that ripped through me from his betrayal, it’s the betrayal of my own heart that hurts the most.
Because I do miss him.
Because I emptied my laundry hamper searching for his flannel shirt, desperate for his scent, desperate forhim, only to remember that I left it in his dorm room. Because I shredded his list of places for us to visit, only to piece it back together as quickly as I could.
Weak and pathetic. Naive. I should have trusted my intuition the first time I saw a mask transposed over his motorcycle helmet. But like the flighty, pathetic omega I am, I let myself fall.
I fell and I was betrayed, and in my despair, I betray myself with every pump of my traitor heart.
* * *
I skipdinner to study in the library, but in truth, I spend most of that time crying in the ladies room. By the time I slump into my seat for tutoring, I feel wrung out. Exhausted.
The moment he enters the study room, Simon pulls me to my feet and sweeps me into a hug that starts healing the cracks of my broken heart. “Junes, I’ve been so worried. I texted and—”
“Sorry,” I mutter. I turned my phone off Sunday night after Luca’s first text, begging me to let him explain, and I never switched it back on.
He holds me close and saints, he’s so warm, so real.
My tears come hot and fast, soaking into his navy sweater, but he doesn’t pull away. If anything, he wraps me tighter, rubbing soothing circles on my back until my trembling relents.
“It’s been… it’s been a lot.”
“Then fuck tutoring for tonight. Go home and get some rest, kit-kat.”
“I don’t want to be alone right now,” I tell him in a whisper. Not with my thoughts, not with this agony hollowing me out.
“Tell me what you need,” he insists.
“Answers,” I croak, my throat burning with tears.
“About Luc?”
I nod against him, and he gives me a tight squeeze before releasing me. He holds me at arm’s length, his hands on my shoulders, just like Ian did the day before.
“All right, here’s what we’ll do. I didn’t see you at dinner, so I’m guessing you skipped. We’ll go back to my room, order a pizza, and I’ll start hacking the Fairhaven PD’s database.”
“What about tutoring?”
He rolls his hazel eyes. “Fuck it. The only thing I care about right now is you, pizza, building a blanket fort, finding out what the fuck happened, and maybe making some s’mores. I got these chocolate-covered marshmallow candies from Poland, and I was waiting until I could try them with you.”
“You’re kind of the best,” I admit, stepping forward to wrap my arms around him once more. “Thank you, Simon.”
CHAPTER3
“Let me just finish something real quick,” Simon says when I finally knock at his door.
I remember the last time I heard someone say that in these halls, and slump to the ground with a sigh, curling into a ball, resting my chin on my knees.
Marcus watches Simon disappear into his room, then slides to the ground across from me.
“You know you can talk to me, right?” he asks in a low voice.
