He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair. “Imustrefrain. I’m your professor. I’ll find a way to… temper my reactions to you. Your education is far more important than either of our comfort, especially given recent developments. Shall we resume our lesson?”
Wedoend up working late into the night—not because I’m struggling to cast. Far from it. I pick up the spells after watching him demonstrate the fluid motions a few more times, and once I start casting, once I start altering my footing based on his instructions, I cast with strength and precision. We move on to three-sigil spells, and I perform spell after spell until finally, around midnight, Marcus knocks lightly at the door.
Ian checks his watch for the first time all evening and smiles a crooked, boyish sort of smile that melts me to my very toes. “I didn’t intend for us to truly work this late—even if you were still struggling—but here we are.”
“Thank you,” I tell him. “For everything. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to cast and, well, I don’t have to tell you what you’ve given me. But I’m grateful. Endlessly. I just… I need you to know that.”
He meets my gaze, and his smile softens. “I do know. Now, go. Get home safely and get some rest. Actual rest, not going through your stack of color-coded vocabulary flashcards.”
“I don’t have flashcards,” I say too quickly. “They’re not color coded.” I grimace, but it fights a silly smile. “Nouns are blue. I don’t make the rules.”
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Actual rest, Juniper,” he tells me sternly.
I all but float out of his office.
* * *
I should feel scared,and I should feel worn to the bone, but after casting with Ian late into the night, after practicing my shields with Simon and Marcus just as late, I feel strong. Saints, for once in my life, I feel like I have some kind of power.
With my growing skill and dedication, I almost feel safe.
I always wanted a life of my choosing, and while I wouldn’t choose Andrew Radcliffe’s attentions, while I’d never wish what happened to Heather and Grace on any omega, I finally have things in my life that I chose for myself.
I have my magic. I have my friends and my seat at our usual table in the dining hall, Simon on one side and Marcus on my other. I have my beta tutor and the fondness between us that warms me on even the coldest autumn days. And Marcus, saints, but I appreciate our closeness more than ever.
And I’m crushing hard on an alpha I thought I hated. I have his boyish smile stuck in my head, his growled words.“Fuck, the things you do to me.”
Slowly, day by day, my heart starts to mend. I don’t forget Luca or his betrayal, but the raw sting has lessened to a mournful ache.
It’s imperfect and messy, but it’s the closest thing to a life of my own choosing I’ve ever had.
Until it all comes crashing down that Wednesday evening.
CHAPTER9
“Where’s Trinity?” Bitsy asks, shoving another chair into the semi-circle.
“She wasn’t in Botany,” Ellie says quietly.
“That’s not like her at all,” Bridget says, looking to the empty chair where Trinity typically sits.
“Heat?” Alyssa offers.
Bitsy flips through something on her phone and shakes her head. “She’d be almost six weeks early.”
Alyssa whips her head around. “Do you have all of our heats on your phone?”
“Everyone but yours, yeah. I’m guessing yours will hit before the end of term.”
“Early January,” Alyssa grumbles. “Why do you even know all of this?”
“Oh, so I know when it’s not my fault if you all snap at me. It’s saved my friendship with Ellie at least twice.”
The taller of the two sophomore omegas rolls her hazel eyes. “I mean, you’re not wrong. But Trinity’s not due?”
Bitsy clicks her phone shut and shakes her head.
“Anyone seen Nick?”
