I look up and meet Cassian’s worried gaze, hope he reads the truth in my eyes. “I think I need to behave. Obey. Please, can we talk about the assistantships?”
Cassian sighs and I can tell he wants to press me, to get me to admit just how afraid I am of Andrew Radcliffe.
But Cassian can’t come to my rescue. No amount of wealth or power will get Andrew Radcliffe to back down. This is something I’ll have to figure out myself.
I’m sick with my fear. It draws cold sweat out along the back of my neck, makes my gut roil with nausea.
Who will Rad hurt to get to me? How will he punish me for meeting with the detective inspector, for Marcus going to the headmaster and law enforcement about the photographs?
“Reinhardt and Spencer are both seeking research assistants. Both are challenging instructors who will hold you to the highest level of excellence. For your ambitions, an assistantship with Reinhardt will probably serve you better, though your research into the ember will, of course, be confidential.” Cassian flexes his shoulder with a wince, and I wonder if his ember keeps him up at night like it sometimes does for Marcus.
If Simon is there to soothe him, hold him through the worst of the pain and fear.
And if I’m there to comfort Marcus, making him tea and reading aloud to him, and Simon is there to soothe Cassian, who’s there for Ian?
Selfishly, I want to be the one who’s there for him, the sweet omega to his wounded alpha.
I don’t want to be his assistant. I want to be his omega, even with how furious I am at him right now.
“Professor Hayes is looking for a teaching assistant. You would be working on grading and support the development of lesson plans. If you have any interest in teaching, I encourage you to apply. Of course, if you were to pursue an assistantshipnextyear, Professor Cadigan almost always takes on a teaching assistant. Reinhardt was his TA years ago. It’s a prestigious and competitive position that will set you up for future success. All three of the assistantships you’re up for this year will position you well for another assistantship your junior year, if you do want to compete for Cadigan’s TA position.”
I already know I don’t. Cadigan has always rubbed me a bit wrong. I know it’s the peak of immaturity to dislike a man just because he doesn’t think Ian should consort with me, but it’s colored me against the older professor all the same.
“If you want to pursue teaching, Hayes’ assistantship would be a good place to start.”
I remember Professor Hayes’ words from the Lunar Ball with a smile.Your daughter is quite the academic, Mr. Rose. She’d be a talented scholar.
My father’s response that felt like swallowing glass.
That’s up to her future alphas to decide.
“I’ll apply for all three,” I say, my voice weak. The perfect frail, obedient omega. “To better my chances.”
Cassian nods and I know he senses the discord in my heart, the battle between who I want to be and who I’m made to be.
How very tiny I feel.
That I won’t take an assistantship if Rad forbids it, if he threatens the men I love or any one of my friends.
Saints, how did it come to this?
How has Andrew Radcliffe made me so small?
“One more thing,” Cassian says. “You’re meeting with Simon at Ciel tomorrow?”
I shake my head. “No. Please tell him I won’t be able to meet him. I… I no longer have any interest in speaking with him.”
“Junes,” Cassian protests, his voice broken.
“I have to,” I murmur. “Tell him I’m sorry and give him this.”
I slide the folded piece of paper across the table to Cassian, my note to Simon shorter than my note to Luca.
Project Halcyon?
I love you.
I’m sorry.
