I don’t tellMarcus about the packet of photos Rad left on our doorstep. I delete all of Rad’s messages off my phone, and I go about my day as I must: as though nothing has changed.
But everything has.
Like Cassian knew what leverage to apply to get Luca to do what he wanted, Rad knows what leverage to apply to me. He’ll hurt Luca. He’ll hurt Simon. Even Marcus.
And it will destroy me.
So I tell no one. Not Marcus when we walk out of the cottage together, not Luca when he meets us at the edge of the omega residences.
I don’t tell Ian when we meet for our evening lesson.
“You’ve grown so much stronger in your affinity,” he notes, as I set our two coffees down. “I recognize that I haven’t taught you much—that you’ve learned it all on your own, but I don’t think you require my assistance any longer. In fact, I believe we should discontinue these additional lessons. You’re already well ahead of your peers.”
I nearly knock my coffee over in surprise. “There were other lessons on the curriculum you came up with. You said you’d help me learn to escape omega traps. What… what changed?”
He looks up at me, but doesn’t meet my eyes, his own downcast. Even his scent is subdued, and it doesn’t take long for me to realize why.
“Don’t say it,” I manage, a knot burning in my throat. “I thought things changed after the Feast of Lunaria. You… Ian, youpurredfor me. Does that mean nothing to you?”
“It means everything to me,” he says quietly, resigned. “But Professor Cadigan is right. My behavior toward you has been… unseemly. I am taking advantage of my position and—”
My own emotions rise and that’s when I feel his. Not regret. Not even love.
Ian Reinhardt is terrified. Fear sits like ice in his belly. It drowns out every other instinct, every other thought.
“I never took you for a coward,” I manage, loss hollowing me out, leaving me raw once more.
He only sighs at that. He doesn’t fight me. He doesn’t argue. “Then you don’t know me half as well as you think you do.”
“I suppose I don’t.”
I’m at the door when he speaks again. “Submit a formal application for the assistantship to help me with my research. It will be… painful at first. I have been unscrupulous in my treatment of you, but I will refrain. You deserve the opportunities the role could open up for you.”
“I don’t know if I even want it anymore.” Saints, I refuse to cry in front of this alpha. Not again. Not this time.
“You’re too smart to let your emotions get in the way of your ambitions, your studies.”
I meet his solemn blue eyes. “If that’s what you think, thenyoudon’t knowmehalf as well as you think you do. Good night.Professor.”
* * *
I withdraw after that.
I pull away from everyone that Rad could hurt. From Luca, from Alyssa. I withdraw from the world into the sullied safety of my little cottage, and there, I withdraw from Marcus.
But for one meeting with Luca at the bridge, I only leave my cottage for classes and meals—and I skip enough of those to worry Marcus.
I meet Luca at our bridge, and I want to run into his arms. I want to cross the wards and let him hold me, let him kiss me and banish all my fears.
But I can’t.
Even now, Rad could be watching.
Listening.
I keep my head down so Luca won’t see my tears. I tell him I need time after the Lunar Ball, but when I’m about to leave, I pass a note through the wards.
Short and to the point.
