It was fucking bullshit if you asked me, and the whole reason I’d spent most of my adult life actively workingnotto get pregnant.
Fat lot of good all those preventative measures had done me.
Lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug, I sighed. “All I know is that the current circumstances are less than ideal. You and I have only known each other for a few months. I work three jobs to keep my head above water, and I live in an apartment the size of a shoebox. Even if I was desperate to become a mother, I couldn’t in good conscience doom an innocent life to ride shotgun beside me while I drive the struggle bus.”
“Okay . . .” John drew out the word slowly. “But I think you’re forgetting something.”
I cocked my head to the side. “What’s that?”
He took my hands in his. “You wouldn’t be doing any of this alone. I have a good job; I could take care of you both.”
I began to protest, “John—”
“Please, let me finish.”
He asked so damn nicely that I zipped my lips, granting the request.
As he cupped my cheek, John’s gaze softened, and he spoke with a tenderness that made my heart clench. “For as long as I can remember, becoming a father has been my greatest dream. But as the years passed, I began to realize that it might never happen for me. And now you’re standing here, the woman I’ve fallen head over heels for, holding a positive pregnancy test. I’m trying so hard to temper my excitement because I can see that you’re struggling with this unexpected, life-altering development, but I’m fucking thrilled, Ro.” Without warning, he grabbed me around the waist and spun me around, shouting, “We’re having a baby!”
When he set me down, all I could do was gape at him. This was not at all the type of reaction I’d been expecting. Shock, sure. Anger, maybe. Freaking out, definitely. Happiness didn’t even have a spot on my bingo card.
But damn if the smile lighting up his handsome face wasn’t the most breathtaking sight.
And then I remembered that his joy might be for nothing.
“I hate to burst your bubble,” I began. “But—”
John took a step away from me. “You’ve already decided you’re not keeping it, haven’t you?” His shoulders slumped as he stared at a spot on the ground. “Obviously, that’s your choice to make, but I have to admit I’m a little sad about it.”
“That’s not it,” I rushed out, and his head snapped up.
Wait, it’s not? Was it someone else seconds away from a panic attack in the bathroom earlier, thinking about all the reasons they couldn’t have a baby?
How about we cross that bridge once we know for sure if there even is a baby?
Yeah, keep clinging to that delusion. Those tests are meant to detect traces of the pregnancy hormone in your urine. Why else would you have that hormone in your system if you weren’t pregnant?
“Ro?” John’s voice shook me out of the mental argument I was having with myself.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “What I meant was that I’m not even sure these results are accurate.”
His brow furrowed. “What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t they be accurate?”
“It just doesn’t seem likely that I could end up pregnant while using two different forms of birth control,” I explained.
A corner of his lips twitched, and I could tell he was fighting not to smile as he countered, “Or maybe, it was meant to be. That, against all odds, we created a little life that’s half you and half me.”
It was pointless trying to talk the man down from the excitement of potential fatherhood when I could tell he was already mentally picking out nursery furniture and baby names. So I moved on to the one thing that definitely needed to be addressed.
“John, even if we are having a baby together, I can never marry you.”
He frowned. “You said that before, but—”
I cut him off with a firm, “Ican’t. There won’t be any changing my mind, no matter what happens between us.” It simply wasn’t possible when I was legally married to someone else and living under a false identity.
“All right,” he conceded, shoving both hands in his pockets. “That won’t stop me from being right by your side through everything. The morning sickness, the swollen ankles, the doctor’s appointments, the midnight feedings and diaper changes. I’m all in, Ro. With you and our baby.”
Overwhelmed by the situation, I could barely wrap my mind around what he was offering. What I needed more than a partner in this moment was the ability to shut off my racing thoughts before they drove me insane.
