I tense. They have something on Brevan. It wasn’t just the relics. His loyalty was purchased the same way mine was. That’s why he never left. Why he’s following orders even now.
If I don’t play along, Anya is dead. All my ladies are dead.
So what do they have on Brevan?Whodo they have?
“I need a drink, how about you?” Ludis says to Caiden. “I think we have much to discuss.”
“Just as soon as I inform everyone that the rebels assassinated our dear emperor,” Caiden says. Then he turns to me. “Get yourself cleaned up. I want you by my side when I make the announcement.”
Brevan practically carries me out of the emperor’s private rooms. He doesn’t release me until we’re through the dragon’s head and the door is closed.
We’re silent on the walk to my room. Anya’s room. Anya, whose life is on the line because of me. Because of Brevan.
“Did you know?” I ask. “Did you know they’d use her against me when you brought her here?”
“No.” He sounds like he’s a million miles away.
I probably shouldn’t believe him, but I do. “Who do they have? That’s how they get you to do everything, isn’t it?”
He keeps his eyes straight ahead and his voice low. “There were two of us rescued that day. Me and my sister. She had an exceptionally rare gift at birth. Everyone wanted it, wanted her. So we ran. And then she ended up a prisoner, anyway.”
“So did you,” I tell him.
“I guess we all are.” He stops in front of the door. “I’ll wait here.”
“I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t change anything, and I know you probably don’t believe me, but I never lied about the way I felt about you.” My throat tightens and I swallow hard as I fight against the threatening tears.
“It’s better this way.” His jaw is tight, his posture stiff.
A tear slides down my cheek and I wipe it quickly, not wanting him to see me break. For a very short while, I got a taste of what it was like to be happy. I think Brevan did, too. I stole hope away from both of us.
“If you can save her and leave here, you should,” I say. “You deserve better.”
His hardened expression cracks, and his brow furrows. “No, I don’t. There is no balancing my scales, and you know that. You spent enough time pointing out my history when we first met.”
“I was wrong. You’re not the villain I thought you were.” My voice shakes a little, the tears dangerously close to overtaking me.
“Yes, I am, Princess.”
“No. You wouldn’t do the things they make you do if you had a choice,” I tell him.
“As you pointed out, we all make choices. I am the monster they asked me to be. Just as you are what they asked of you.”
“It’s not a choice when it comes to saving someone you love,” I press.
He sighs, and I see just a touch of softness. Or maybe that’s in my imagination. “You should go, Princess. The new emperor will be waiting for you.”
His words knock the air from my lungs.The new emperor.Because that’s what Caiden is. I came here to topple an empire. To end the royal line. Instead, I’m joining them. And helping them build the army I wanted to prevent.
I am the monster I came to destroy.
Brevan stands at attention, his expression impassive. As if he’s guarding a stranger. And I suppose, he is. He doesn’t know who I am.
I’m not sure I even know myself, anymore.
The room is too quiet. I was alone in my room often, but knowing there’ll be no ladies joining me is a different kind of quiet. It hurts more than I thought it would. I wasn’t supposed to befriend them, but I will play the role required to keep them alive. At least until I can figure out something better. I hope.
It doesn’t feel real. How did I let everything spiral so far out of control?
