Caitlin’s stomach flipped as she felt Gemma move closer, their thighs now pressed together beneath the heavy quilt. Heat surged through her, and she couldn’t tell if it was radiating from Gemma’s skin or if her own body had gone past its boiling point.
Troy shifted, draping his arm across Caitlin’s shoulders, and she jerked. Troy. Her boyfriend. She had briefly forgotten that he was there. The realization flushed her with shame.
Caitlin had spent months trying to untangle her feelings, but she feared she now understood them with a paralyzing clarity. She was standing at a crossroads with no map, no compass—just the terrifying certainty that either direction would change everything.
THIRTEEN
Spring Semester, Sophomore Year of High School
AS THE SECOND SEMESTER BEGANat Westmore High, Gemma was finally feeling like she belonged here. Spending time with Darbie, the soccer team, and Caitlin had changed everything. She was still uncertain about Caitlin’s role in her life, but she was grateful for the friendship, nonetheless.
The night before school started back up, Gemma found herself reflecting on her winter break. The movie night at Troy’s house had been less than two weeks ago. After Gemma’s not-so-subtle flirting—a direct confession of her feelings, actually—she had kept pushing, not deterred by Caitlin’s lack of response. Feeling confident and curious, Gemma had slid even closer on the sofa, draping a blanket over their laps like a secret canopy, a world made just for the two of them beneath.
Gemma couldn’t pretend any longer that she didn’t have these feelings toward Caitlin, but if Caitlin didn’t feel the same way, then she needed to know now, before she jumped into the deep end headfirst.
As the days passed following that night, Caitlin had become increasingly more distant. They had barely even texted. Gemma had reached out to wish Caitlin a Merry Christmas, only to receive a short “You too,” in return. Then, when Caitlin’ssixteenth birthday arrived on New Year’s Eve, Gemma had sent a text wishing her a happy birthday. That time, Caitlin only reacted with a heart on the message as a response. It had Gemma on edge, concerned she had been too aggressive while trying to gauge Caitlin’s feelings toward her. She didn’t know if Caitlin even liked girls. Maybe Gemma had come on too strong and scared her away.
Gemma feared the worst. She hoped that once they were back in school, she would be able to pull Caitlin aside and have a proper conversation.
AS JANUARY CREPT BY, GEMMA’Stension only grew. She hadn’t seen much of Caitlin outside of their Spanish classroom. Her unease deepened every time they’d brush past each other in the hallway without uttering a word. The sweet, handwritten notes from last semester seemed to have been left behind. Every so often, Gemma’s eyes would drift toward Caitlin, only to catch her already looking in her direction. Then Caitlin would whip her head away so fast that Gemma worried her neck might snap. Doubt and guilt clawed at her. She wondered if she had made a mistake by confessing her feelings while Caitlin was dating Troy. Maybe she should have protected the delicate bond they shared instead of blowing it up for a chance at something more.
One afternoon, Gemma decided that she had had enough. Attempting to thaw the ice between them, she dropped a note into Caitlin’s lap on her way back to her desk in Spanish class.
Forty-five minutes later, Gemma was on her way out the door when Caitlin slipped a small piece of paper into her hand before vanishing out of the building.
Mi portera, I can’t believe how cold it’s been, but the icicles are beautiful. Maybe my fingers will freeze before I’m able to do all this homework. –C
Their conversations started simple—asking each other about their holidays and sports practices before escalating into complaints about their teachers and the increased workload that the second half of the year had shown. Neither of them brought up the movie night at Troy’s house, nor did they attempt to make any plans to hang out. They didn’t even speak in person. The only indication that Caitlin even knew Gemma came in the form of folded notes, slipping into her lap or waiting at the bottom of her locker.
From time to time, Gemma tested the boundaries and lightly flirted with Caitlin, which would often earn her a playful comment in response, making Gemma curious about what exactly was going through Caitlin’s mind.
As the cold weeks continued, that dreary first month felt more like an entire year. The soccer season was almost at an end. The team had a few more games left before the playoffs, but they had been given this weekend off.
Gemma had been about to walk home with Darbie, stopping by her locker first to drop off some unneeded textbooks. Her backpack was already heavy enough.
When she opened the blue metal door, Gemma found a square piece of lined paper resting awkwardly atop her soccer cleats.
Wanna come over and watch a movie tonight? Text me when you get this. – C
Gemma was taken aback. They hadn’t hung out since that fateful night at Troy’s house over a month ago, and now, Caitlin was inviting her over? No other details were given to indicate whether this would be another group activity, but it really didn’t matter. Gemma missed Caitlin and would have gone either way. This time, Gemma vowed to keep her distance. There would beno lingering glances, no touches that could be mistaken for an advance. If this was her chance to fix her friendship with Caitlin, she wasn’t going to mess it up. Losing Caitlin completely would hurt far more than this silence.
Gemma slid the combination lock back through the handle of her locker, clicked it shut, and pulled out her cell phone to text Caitlin.
“Someone’s smitten.”
Gemma looked up to find Darbie watching her with a coy smile. “I am not.”
“Oh, come on. Who is it?”
“No one.”
“Yeah, right.” Darbie looped her arm through Gemma’s and dropped the subject with a knowing smirk as they walked through the double doors of the school into the parking lot.
Later that night, Gemma arrived at Caitlin’s. She stood nervously on the porch, waiting for Caitlin to welcome her inside.
When Caitlin opened the door, a genuine smile greeted Gemma, causing the butterflies in her stomach to take flight. She tried to reason with them, tried to convince them—and herself—that she and Caitlin werejustfriends.
“Hey.” Caitlin grinned, the first word she had spoken to Gemma in over a month.
