“Hateimplies that I spend time thinking about you. I don’t,” Gemma shot back, her face blank.
Caitlin flinched. She hadn’t expected them to fall back into a friendship right away, but given their history, she had hoped that Gemma might still care enough about her to hear her out. Clearly, that had been wishful thinking.
“I’ll respect whatever you want, then. Enjoy the rest of your night.” Caitlin tried to feign indifference, walking in the opposite direction back toward her car. She fought the urge to turn around and check if Gemma was still there, watching her stroll away. Instead, she kept her eyes straight ahead until she was safely enclosed in the backseat.
She took a deep breath. It was going to be a long three months, but Caitlin could handle this. She had made a living from pretending.
Twenty minutes and a foggy car ride later, Caitlin made it back into her hotel. It was three o’clock, which meant that it was only noon in LA, so she decided to see if Michelle was around to chat.
Lounging back onto the light gray sofa in her suite’s living room, Caitlin tapped the number underneath Michelle’s name.
“Hey movie star, how was your first day?” Michelle answered on the second ring, sounding cheery.
“It was good.” Caitlin didn’t want to get into the specifics. How could she do so without telling Michelle about her complicated history with her co-star? “We just had the table read today, so it was easy.”
“Anything crazy to report after meeting the rest of the cast?”
“Nope! Everyone seems to be getting along well. I haven’t heard about any drama yet.” Caitlin felt a pang of guilt for not telling Michelle about Gemma, but this didn’t feel like the right moment to bring it up, either. Not that there would ever be an easy opening to address something like that.
“Any big plans tonight? I’ve heard that New York is the city that never sleeps, after all,” Michelle said playfully.
Caitlin laughed at the idea, exhausted from the day. “Definitely not. I’m going to take a bath, run through my lines, and order some food. I want to get to bed early tonight,tomorrow’s call time is at six a.m. But what about you? How was your day?” She wanted to think about something, anything, as long as it wasn’t Gemma.
“A bath sounds lovely. My day’s been relaxing, so far. I went to the gym this morning and now I’m lying outside in my backyard with a book. I’ll probably have a quiet night too.”
Michelle updated Caitlin on a call that she had received two days ago—an offer for a new NBC show that would start filming its pilot season in two months, but Michelle wasn’t sure if it would be a good fit for her. Caitlin attentively helped her weigh the pros and cons of the position, feeling her burden ease at the idea of Michelle taking on a project of her own while Caitlin was in New York.
The remainder of the conversation stayed rather platonic, and for that, Caitlin was grateful. Michelle mattered to her, even if their relationship was currently suspended in uncertainty.
After they hung up, Caitlin drifted into the bathroom and turned on the hot water, the sound of the rushing tap relieving the ringing silence in her ears. As the tub filled, she ordered dinner from room service, her voice steady but hollow. Drained. Then she lowered herself into the bath, her back pressing against the cool porcelain as steam curled around her.
She closed her eyes, trying to quiet the storm inside her. The ache of knowing that Gemma would never return that feeling again.
There had likely been a reason that Caitlin never reached out to Gemma in the last nine years. Maybe she knew that if she did, then they would truly be over. It’s possible, shehadavoided Gemma, holding on to the hope that enough time would pass, that one day Caitlin could show up at the right time with the right words and win her over again.
The water was warm, the room was still, but Caitlin felt as if she were unraveling in slow motion.
NINE
Fall Semester, Sophomore Year of High School
GEMMA WASGATEFUL FOR HERnew friend. Darbie had helped make the first month at Westmore High School tolerable, if not entirely enjoyable. The girl was unlike anyone else that Gemma had met here, delighting in the task of taking her under her wing. Apparently, she needed to learn a lot about her peers, and not many people were eager to befriend the new girl.
On a Monday morning in mid-October, Darbie and Gemma decided to enjoy the crisp autumn air and walk to school instead of their usual carpool.
“How’s soccer going?” Darbie asked, using the time to catch up on Gemma’s life.
“Good, just waiting for my chance to start.” Gemma had made varsity as their second-string goalie. She was happy to be part of a team again and hoped that she’d get her opportunity to play soon.
“And how’s yourBFF, the captain of the cheer squad?” Darbie teased, bumping her shoulder into Gemma’s.
Gemma blushed. Since that first day, she hadn’t seen much of Caitlin. They’d shared a few brief polite conversations in Spanish class. And of course, there were the times when Gemma’s eyes would stray across the quad, only to findCaitlin’s attention already on her.
“I think she was just going out of her way to be nice on the first day of school. We haven’t really spoken since.”
“Well, I guess you’ll just have to settle for me.” Darbie sighed overdramatically, making Gemma smile.
“You’re the best part of Westmore High.” Gemma threw her arm around her friend’s shoulder. “Look, it’s us.” Gemma pointed at the house they were passing, the lawn decorated for Halloween. Two skeletons stood in the front yard, wearing pink and blue wigs, holding a blow-up guitar and drum, posed as if they were in a band.
