Then I turned and walked away, the woods swallowing me whole. The only sound left was his ragged breathing, the only proof of what happened the scent of sex and blood lingering in the air,
And that ache – deep in my chest, sharp and unfamiliar – that told me this wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.
CHAPTER SEVEN
JAMIE
Almost three weeks.
That’s how long it’s been since Halloween.
Since the fight.
Since the silence.
Since the night that rewired something inside me forever.
Since the night I had the best sex of my life.
And the fact that it was with Lex, well, despite it making the entire scene, like a thousand percent hotter, it also makes me feel something, I have no words to describe.
It was my first time ever. And it was withhim. I kind of always hoped it would happen with him, and I was glad it did.
I sit on my bed, folding clothes into my suitcase, and try not to think about how my body still remembers him.
About how it wasn’t Lex that night – not really – but it was still him. His darker half. The masked man. The one always in control. The one who’s been obsessed with me for years. The way he took me apart and put me back together like I was something precious and breakable. And each time we had sex, despite it being rough and us doing all those things to each other, Lex always makes sure that I’m okay, and he didn’t push it too hard. I remember the first time I asked him to choke me during sex, and he did it to a point when I was about to pass out, that’s how I found we were both into breath play. But I still remember the look on Lex’s face when he thought that he hurt me.
Me, constantly reassuring him, makes it kind of cute, you know. Seeing this 6’3 muscled jock, and actual life form of a fucking sex god, showing his soft, caring side, and always making sure I’m well. Not just during sex, with Lex this kind of affection is happening 24/7.
Like that one time, when I overslept, and didn’t hear my alarm, and was left for class, and of course, I forgot my breakfast. That day, on our lunch break, Lex walked into the cafeteria with my favorite pastry in one hand, and my favorite iced coffee in the other.
And over time, it just became one of the ways Lex was taking care of me. Everyone is always gives Lex weird looks, because they have no idea, why would he care if I have my breakfast or not, or whenmy car broke, why would he always wait for me after school, even though his own classes ends earlier than mine, just to make sure I wouldn’t have to walk home by myself.
Yes, Lex wasn’t able to say with his words how he feels about me, but his actions showed me how much he actually cares about me. And I knew, hell, we both knew that it was more than just brothers, stepbrothers, excuse me, caring about each other. And somehow, that fact made the whole situation even better.
But yeah, in public, we’re still the same – snide remarks, eye rolls, his laughter sharp and cruel when his friends are around. And I know, I know, that he doesn’t mean it. Not really. It’s part of the act. The performance we keep up so no one suspects that behind closed doors, Lex touches melike I’m the only thing in the world that makes sense.
But knowing something doesn’t stop it from hurting.
And still – somehow – I still love him.
That’s the terrifying part. Not the secrecy. Not the mask. Not even the way he punishes me when I push him too far. And I start to think I’m not the only one who enjoys those punishment sessions.
I love Lex. I love the only person I shouldn’t. I’m in love with my stepbrother.
I zip up one side of the suitcase and exhale slowly.
My trip to London will help. It has to. Distance always does.
I’m going to see my favorite painter. He has an exhibition, and I was able to get tickets at the very last minute. And evenwith the exhibition tickets, air plane tickets, and the hotel, I’ve spent almost thirty thousand dollars – It’s worth it. Plus, it’s a good excuse to leave, and to have some me time. Without a certain muscular, tattooed destruction.
Because when I come back, we can’t keep doing this – circling each other like loaded weapons, pretending we don’t care.
I’m halfway through packing when the door opens.
I don’t have to look up to know it’s him.
The air changes when Lex enters a room. It always has.
