My head turns to Freddy as he nods at me, setting off the clicker in my ear. No backing track to accompany us. Just Freddy on percussion, Andy on acoustic guitar, and me on vocals.
I take one final breath as Andy plays the opening chords and I say a little prayer.
Please don’t let me fuck this up.
Paul’s voice hits me like a fire hose as soon as I come off stage. It immediately extinguishes the pure joy I felt from the insane reaction to performingStolen Momentsfor the first time.
“I can’t believe you performedStolen Moments,” Paul shouts at me as Rob guides us straight to the waiting car.
“What was the alternative? Stop the show completely? You already told me we had to go ahead with the show. Despite me wanting the day off, despite the paramedics telling us that I needed rest.” My body tenses up as I reach for the seatbelt and strap myself in.
“We had a whole plan to launch this track—which I didn’t want to put out, by the way, you did—with the DSP’s, Spotify Billboard in Times Square, Apple Music takeover. And now, we’ll likely have lost all of that coverage, thanks to your decision.” Paul reaches for a bottle of water, opening it and squeezing it tightly as he gulps from it.
If he wants to go there, thenhell, am I ready to go there.
“Well, I wouldn’t have had to resort to that if you’d actually postponed or canceled the show.” The tension in my shoulders moves to my head, causing it to start throbbing.
Paul’s forehead crinkles as his eyes narrow.
“Sure. We cancel the show. You’re left footing the bill. Not only for what it costs to keep this machine running, but for all the refunded tickets.” Paul crosses his arms, crosses his legs, and lets out a disapproving sigh.
The disapproving sigh, the condescending tone, all of it acts like a red flag to a bull.
“First, I’d only have to pay back the advance to the promoter. Second, that’s why we have insurance, in case things like this happen. Third, anyone would think this is your money, not mine. It’s like you care more about the money than me.” My chest rises and falls in rapid succession.
How fucking dare he.
“That’s not…” Paul leans forward, but I cut him off, indignant.
“I haven’t finished. If you keep pushing me, there’ll be no shows. What happened this morning wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t kept pushing me, and I’ve had enough.”
Paul falls silent, as if he can sense what’s on the tip of my tongue.
I’m tempted to say it right there and then, but we’re still twenty minutes from the hotel, which would give him time to fight his cause, and I need to weigh my options. What would I do if I actually fire him?
One day, I tell myself, my parents will work out how to use FaceTime properly.
“Alex, baby.” My mom’s chin greets me as I answer her call. Their departure gate is visible behind her. My dad says hello, out of shot.
Thankfully, Lucy was able to pick up a new iPhone to replace the old one. So I don’t have to do this on my iPad and carry it around the suite. My old iPhone lays on the table, its cracked screen staring back at me. A glaring reminder of what unfolded this morning.
“I’m okay, Mom, I’m okay. You know not to believe what you see on social media.” My hand reaches for the back of my neck, as I look out of the window.
“I know when you’re lying to me, Alex, you always rub your neck when you lie.” My mom’s face finally appears on screen. Her nostrils flare.
Why must she insist on doing video calls?
It’s so much easier when she can’t see me, can’t read my body language.
“I’m exhausted, Mom. I just want to get these shows done and go home.” I drop my hand from my neck and let out a yawn to help sell the narrative.
“Are you sure you can’t come back tonight? We can wait for you here, pick you up?” She attempts to give me a once over.
“I could, but I just want to get them done and out the way. That way I can take a proper break from everything.” My thoughts drift to the skatepark and just being free to ride my board once again.
Oh, how I dream of that life.
“Well, your father and I will be there in a few hours. You rest up and we’ll see you when we get to the hotel, okay?” Her face disappears off the screen again.
