She frames it all in a way that helps protect me and promote me, all in the same breath. Yet I can’t help but feel wrong about what I am doing.
I’m lying to the world about who I am.
Lying about what happened with Christopher.
All to protect my image.
It’s an image I barely recognize when I stare at myself in the mirror.
Another knock sounds at the door, and Rob heads back over to it.
“Ready guys?” he asks, as he opens the door.
“Yep,” I say, reluctantly lifting myself up.
“Great to see you, buddy. How was Europe?” Roberto asks, hugging me.
His Hollywood smile momentarily blinds me when I step back. The audio guy fits the microphone on my T-shirt, sliding the cable underneath and plugging it into the pack before handing it to me to slide into the back pocket of my jeans.
“Eventful,” I say, eyebrows arched, already regretting being here.
I sit down and make myself comfortable. It’s not too dissimilar to what I would expect a therapy office to look like. A box of tissues and a water sit on the table beside me. There’s a matching cream armchair opposite of me for Roberto. A green screen wraps around the set behind us, which they’ll no doubt superimpose some form of comfy room onto.
Erica steps on set to make last-minute touch-ups to my hair, and she pulls a sponge out of her bag to dab at my forehead. Paul, Connie, Rob, and Laurie stand by the TV monitor behind the cameras.
Erica pulls the sponge away and leans in.
“My car’s out back if you want to make a dash for it,” she whispers into my ear.
She pulls back and looks at me, her eyes narrowing.
I pause for two beats to consider it, before ruling it out. Itwill only make things worse. Get spun out into an even bigger story.
I’m in this now.
I’m committed.
I just have to get on with it.
“I’m good, thank you.”
Erica nods and leaves me on set.
“We ready?” the producer shouts from behind the camera.
Roberto looks up from the cue cards in his lap and nods.
My mind starts racing and I start to question everything.
Am I ready?
Do I really want to do this?
What if it’s all a big mistake?
How long can I keep this lie up for?
What happens if something else comes up down the road?
