It was part of the reason I stayed with Ryan for so long, despite him not being any good for me.
“Come on,” he says, grabbing my hand and sliding his fingers through mine. “Just one.”
His hand feels like an old familiar glove. Comforting. Warm.
The squeeze activates a bunch of good memories that I wish I didn’t remember.
The surprise birthday party for my twenty-first that he organized with Kelly.
The romantic trip to Paris that he took me on after he’d gone there for work.
But it was just a handful of good moments, and that doesn’t make him right for me. My therapist had once told me,Toxic people are bad people with good moments. Flawed people are good people with bad moments.
And Ryan was definitely toxic, at least for me.
My phone makes a muffled sound in my pocket, and I instantly let go of Ryan’s hand, grateful for the distraction. My heart lift when I seeSkater Boyappear on the screen.
“Hi,” I answer, taking a step away from Ryan.
“What are you up to?
“I’m in Soho, catching up with an old friend.”
He doesn’t need to know the truth.
“Great! We’re just arriving at a club in Soho to celebrate my number one. You should come.”
“Which club?” I put my finger to my ear to block out the sound of a bunch of women drunkenly screaming as they exit the bar opposite.
Alexander’s silence gives me a second to look back at Ryan, disappointment etched across his face. It’s a complete contrast to the relief I’m feeling inside.
“The Box,” Alexander says.
A few blocks away. Perfect.
“Great, I’ll be there in five.” I hang up and slide my phone back into my pocket.
“That the boyfriend you were talking about?” He nods at my pocket.
I pause for a beat.
I could tell him the truth, but then he might follow me.
Best to be truth-adjacent.
“No, Daniel. His best man has taken him out for one last night of freedom before Kelly ties him down.”
It’s true, just as it’s true that I won’t be joining them. I’ll be joining Alexander instead.
“Ah yes, the wedding. Please pass on my congratulations to them both. I miss them.”
“They miss you too.”
Ugh. God dammit.
Why must my mouth answer before my brain has a chance to think?
“Do you miss me?” Ryan steps closer to me, his hand reaching out to grab mine.
