I was run ragged, at the very limit of what I was able to cope with. It was only my calls to Ronan that got me through. Hearing his voice was the highlight of my days and whenever I felt like I was spiralling and losing sight of what I was trying to do, he grounded me.
After checking in on Declan and getting no response from him, other than a string of slurred profanities, I decided to go for a wee walk to clear my head. I let my feet lead me, giving no thought to where I was headed until I found myself beside the river.
This place reminded me of Ronan. It was quiet now, no horses in sight, but the day we’d spent sitting here in the sun, chatting shite and ripping Darragh for getting sunburnt had been one of the happiest of my life. I sat myself down on the rocks, just as we’d done that day and watched the water. Dragonflies zipped back and forth, their iridescent bodies glinting in the light of the sun.
I’d been sitting there for hours, simply allowing my mind to be silent, to decompress. Worry, fear and stress was the only thing waiting for me back at thecamp, that much was certain of . My phone began to ring, and it took me far longer than it should have to realise I didn’t recognise the ringtone. Electricity shot through me in an instant. It wasn’t my phone that was ringing, it wasTess’s.
I hastily got to my feet and fumbled around in my pockets. I’d almost not brought it with me today, berating myself for clinging to the hope that it might one day ring… I pulled it free, an unknown number showing on the screen, and answered it.
“Tess?”
“John-Francis. You’ve got my phone?”
Hearing her voice was like a crashing wave. Relief poured over me and I sagged, barely able to remain standing.
“Jaysus feckin’ Christ, Tess,” I breathed. “It’s so good t’ hear from ya. I got y’phone, aye. Found it in the woods, like. Kept it charged up, hopin’ ya’d call.”
There was a long silence. I pulled the phone away from my ear. The call was still connected.
“Tess? Y’still there, now?”
“Yes,” she replied, voice all but a whisper. “Sorry, yes I’m still here.”
I had so many things I wanted to say, so many questions. I didn’t know where to start.
“Where are ya, now? Are y’safe?”
“I’m in London. I’m fine, I promise.” Tess paused. “Well, as fine as I can be.”
That made sense. Tess’s Ma lived in the city. I’d tried to convince Declan to head that way to try and chase her down, but he’d long since decided he’d rather strew in his own misery by then.
“We figured y’might have run back t’ London, like,” I said, wave after wave of relief hitting me. I needed to fill her in on everything that had happened. “God, it’s good t’ be hearin’ y’voice. Tess, y’gotta get back here. Y’just gotta.”
“I can’t…” she whimpered. “Not after what I’ve done.”
Before I could stop it, a bark of laughter escaped me. “What ya’ve done? Y’mean that wee incident with Pearl, like? Y’heard she’s okay? Sore and bitter as feck, but she’s just fine. In fact, we haven’t heard a peep from her since she got back from the hospital, now. She upped and disappeared with her caravan a fewweeks back and no one has seen her since.” I paused. It was important Tess knew she was still welcome here. She did such a good job of blending is with us, I often forgot she was a wee buffer and knew nothing of traveller life. “Y’did well, like. Showed that wee cunt and the rest o’ her geebag mates y’not t’ be messed with.”
“B-but I’m an outsider… I thought for sure you’d all be furious with me,” she spluttered.
“Feckin’ hell, is that why ya ran off, now? ‘Cause y’thought we’d be ragin’ with ya?” I laughed. I hadn’t given Pearl a second thought. As soon as we’d found out she was going to live, I’d gone back to not giving a shit about her or her hoor mates. Girls like her were trouble and deserved everything they got.
“I stabbed Pearl. Several times. There was so much blood, I thought I’d killed her. I’ve been on tenterhooks for weeks, expecting the police to be kicking down my door!” I
Tess argued. I could hear her voice shaking as she lost control of herself.
“That’s not how we deal with things, Tess. Y’should know that by now, like. Ya’ve done enough shady shite with us ta know, aye?” I cleared my throat. “Bedsides, y’Declan’s girl. Y’got his ring on ya finger. Ya one of us.”
A sob burst from the other end of the phone, but I couldn’t allow Tess even a moment to compose herself. She had to know what was going on. She was the only one who could help Declan now. I took a deep, steadying breath.
“Jaysus, Tess. Y’need t’ get back here. Tell me, d’ya still love Declan? If ya don’t, then by all means carry on with ya life an’ never give him another thought, like… but if you do love him, f’feck’s sake take him back ‘fore he gets himself killed.”
“Yes,” she gasped. “Yes, I still love him. More than anything. My leaving never had anything to do with how strongly I felt about him.”
If it hadn’t been for the sharp rocks beneath my feet, I would have dropped to my knees. Thankfuckfor that. I’d never been so glad to hear a girl tell me she was in love with Declan Furey – and I’d heard those sentiments more than once. This time was different. This time Declan Furey was desperately in love withher, too.
“Then feckin’ get y’hole back here,” I snapped. “He’s… he’s not doin’ well without ya. I’ve never seen him in such a mess, like.”
“Does… does he want me to come back?”
