“Depends,” I laughed. “Y’gonna be playin’ dirty all night, like?”
“Ah, y’know I gotta try!”
“C’mon then, y’feckin’ wee chancer. Deal ‘em out.”
Though I did my best to put it out of my mind, playing round after round of Gin with my family, Ma’s words rebounded in my head. There was no reason to stay in Appleby besides John-Francis. I felt guilty knowing I was the one keeping us here. When Ma had been busying about looking after her wee pal, it had felt like more than enough reason to be going against our usual way of life and halting up for an extended period of time, but now? Now I was forced to accept we were here for my sake. It had been easy to ignore the fragility of my relationship with John-Francis, and I was suddenly faced with the very real possibility that what we had wasn’t to last. I felt nauseous.
As the wee hours of the morning crept around, my anxiety to hear from John-Francis increased. I knew I was failing at being subtle every time I checked my phone. How was his job going? What if something had gone wrong? It made me itchy with worry.
When my ma won the third game on the trot, I decided enough was enough.
“Ah, this game’s rigged, like,” I teased, throwing down my hand and grinning at her. “I’d be needin’ some fresh air. It’s hot as all hell in here, Ma.”
“Ah, y’always were a wee sore loser, aye!” she jeered with a wink. Ma turned her attention to Darragh. “What says yourself? Another go, now?”
Darragh glanced up at me. I wasn’t sure if my tension was palpable, but if he’d had any idea of following me, he quickly changed his mind.
“Aye, go on. See y’later, aye?” he said to me as he gathered the cards up from the table.
I wasn’t going to admit it aloud, but everyone knew where I was headed. I wasn’t sure if that was a relief or not.
I grabbed a jacket and shrugged it on, shouting my farewells and jumping down into the night. It was surprisingly brisk out and I shivered, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets as I made my way over to John-Francis’s place. A wee while back he’d given me a spare key so I could come and go with ease, and I’d never been so grateful as I was that night.
I unlocked his door and hoisted myself up inside, locking it behind myself before drawing the curtains and flicking on the lights. It was just as we’d left it that morning and that made me suddenlysad.I shrugged out of my jacket, hanging it up before throwing myself down into John-Francis’s bed, bouncing against the springs.
I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. I could smell him on the sheets, and it rocked me to my core how instantly my body responded to that. I felt like my heart was three times too big for my chest as it pounded against my ribs. God, I fuckinglovedJohn-Francis, more than I’d ever loved anyone before. The strength of the emotions made me physically ache, the pain increasing tenfold as I imagined having to leave all of this behind.
No. No, I refused to get carried away with that train of thought. Darragh and Ma seemed happy enough here, they clearly knew how important John-Francis was to me… I knew they wouldn’t push to leave on a whim, but I couldn’t shake the fear that something big could potentially rip this little slice of nirvana to shreds.
Once I’d dragged myself out of my feelings, I undressed, hit the lights and dived into John-Francis’s bed. I lay back against the pillows, watching shite on the telly, awaiting John-Francis’s return.
I hadn’t even been aware that I’d fallen asleep until I was jolting awake, cold hands stroking my chest as a body slipped in behind me.
“Jaysus feckin’ Christ,” I gasped. “Y’feckin’ freezin’, like.”
John-Francis chuckled at my ear, pressing a kiss to my cheekbone. “Aye, sorry. I’d been hidin’ in a feckin’ hedge f’the last hour or more.”
My stomach churned and I glanced back at him from the corner of my eye. “Y’alright?”
“Aye, all good. Got the job done. Got chased off by another group o’ fellas an’ split up from Dec and Tess, but it’s all sorted, now.”
“Shite, sounds a wee mess.”
He chuckled. “It coulda been smoother, but we got what we needed, like. Those other fellas didn’t catch up t’ us – not sure they’d have liked the outcome even if they had, eh?”
“I bet.” I paused. “Glad y’back in one piece, like.”
“Mm, me too. I don’t mind tellin’ ya, it was a nice wee surprise t’ find ya waitin’ f’me in me bed.”
I smile curved my lips even as a strange sadness opened up inside my chest. “Just missed ya, like.”
“Wee feckin’ softie,” John-Francis admonished playfully. “I’d be missin’ ya too, now.”
Nothing more needed to be said. I let John-Francis wrap his arms around my body, hugging me tightly and I swiftly lost myself to sleep, all the more soundly for having the fella I loved at my back.
Chapter Ten
John-Francis
