“Why the past tense? I still think you’re a—” I was cut off by a playful shove.
“You make it so hard to ignore you.” Rowan’s expression softened and I gazed back at him.
“I still struggle to believe all this is happening. I thought I’d be watching you from afar forever.”
“That makes two of us.” Rowan leant in and rested his forehead against mine. “You’re trouble, but you’re worth it. This whole marriage is a sham. I realise now I’m older, keeping the lie up is hurting everyone more than just letting it go.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling that powerful sense of guilt wash over me once more. “I’ve felt so bad for wanting to be with you. I just...”
“Well, I can’t have that,” Rowan replied softly, carefully rolling me over onto my back and following me over, pressing his body on top of mine. “I will sort everything out, I promise. I just need a little time to organise things. Christina doesn’t know I’m gay and I want to keep things as stable as I can for Teegan until she’s finished with school.”
I didn’t answer, just pulled him down by the neck and kissed him hard and earnestly. I hoped actions would speak louder than words.
“Are you alright? To go again, I mean,” Rowan asked between kisses.
“I think so,” I replied honestly, and Rowan pulled back to look at me properly.
“We can stop if it’s too much.” He smiled and kissed me, just once, before heaving his body away from mine and rolling to grab the tube of lube and a condom from the nightstand. I laughed watching him struggle to get a grip on the cap to open it, the lubricant having seeped out slightly making it almost impossible to open.
“Shut up.” Rowan grinned playfully, wiping the tube into the sheets before trying again and successfully opening it. He turned to me, a thoughtful look in his eye. “Roll over onto your side.”
I did so obediently, watching whilst he squeezed a liberal amount onto two fingers. I reached out and took the condom from him, whilst Rowan shifted his body closer – being cautious not to get lube on the sheets. I shuffled in tight, so our bodies were flush against one another and let Rowan lift my left leg up with his free hand, to rest it across his waist. Even under the sheets, I felt a coolness of air brushing around sensitive areas indicating the position had me nicely exposed. Rowan reached around me, and I flinched as the slicked digits pressed against me.
He kissed me firmly on the mouth and I responded in kind, desperate for any contact that would detract from what I was already anticipating being a painful experience. For a long while, we just kissed. I ran my hands over Rowan’s amazing body, trying to etch the feeling into my skull so I’d never forget it. He kept his fingers on me but made no effort to penetrate with them – just massaged and rubbed the puckered ring of tight, bruised muscle in an attempt to relax it a little.
Eventually I felt my body beginning to respond – it was sore, there was no denying that.
“Okay?” Rowan asked quietly, and I sighed. I loved that gravelly tone in his voice when he was turned on.
“I’m fine, just trying to relax a bit.” I nodded. Rowan shifted a little to get more comfortable and I felt him use his thumb to spread my ass further apart. Still attached at the mouth, I reached down and spread myself, leaving him free to use his hand properly. He groaned appreciatively and I braced myself, feeling him applying more pressure around my entrance.
It was uncomfortable at first, even just the one finger. I winced a little, but it wasn’t long before the discomfort had subsided enough for me to start enjoying what he was doing once again. The man had a strange innate sense and an uncanny skill at prostate play.
“Two. Try two,” I grunted, pressing closer still and using the tight embrace to rub my now almost painfully hard cock against Rowan’s abdomen. Just as before, I felt pre-cum oozing from me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. It was acting quite nicely as a lubricant for my movements.
Rowan kissed me hard. I moaned eagerly into his mouth and tilted my hips to spread my ass a little more. I forced myself to concentrate on grinding against him, rather than on the increased pressure as Rowan gently slipped two digits inside. As he pushed in further, I grunted and winced. He pulled back a little to glance down at me.
“Keep going.” I latched my mouth onto his neck, delighting in the salty taste of sweat and the pounding of blood beneath his skin. Rowan sighed as I began to suck and nibble on him, and without warning, pushed both fingers in right to the hilt. The shooting pain took my breath away and I bit down fiercely into Rowan’s neck, earning a pained groan in return.
“Sorry,” Rowan laughed breathlessly. I just grunted a reply. “It’s easier than it was, but I take it it’s still uncomfortable?”
“Uh, yeah.” I grinned, finding my voice as the pain subsided. “It’s not as bad though.” I reasoned, sighing loudly as Rowan focused those talented fingers around my sweet spot once more.
“Good,” he breathed, pressing his lips softly against mine. I yielded immediately, opening my mouth and encouraging a deeper kiss. He gratified me without a thought, slipping his tongue gently between my lips.
I lost track of how long we were lying there, kissing softly and deeply with Rowan making my body feel things I wasn’t even sure were real. Eventually, it was his patience that broke first. He gently rolled me onto my back, removing the digits but keeping his mouth on mine.
“Have you still got—?” he asked between kisses, and I opened my fist to reveal the now rather crinkled foil square containing the condom. He reached for it, and I pulled my hand away.
Rowan looked at me for a long moment, expression heated and intense before he smiled. Without a word, he lifted his body off mine and sat on his haunches, leaning forwards to rest on his hands either side of my body. I made quick work of opening the packet, shooting Rowan a pointed look as Ididn’tuse my teeth to rip down the foil. He smiled apologetically but remained silent.
After a brief moment to figure out which way around the rubber sheath needed to be rolled, I reached for the man in front of me. To my amusement, Rowan’s breath caught in his throat as I wrapped my hand around his cock. He shuffled forwards obediently to give me better access and watched curiously as I gently rolled the slippery material downwards to sheath his length.
Whilst I double checked it was on properly, and admittedly, revelled a little in the feel of the hard column of flesh in my hand, Rowan reached for the lube and squeezed a generous amount out onto his palm. I took my hand away and shifted myself further down in the bed whilst he slicked himself quickly, attempting to get as comfortable as possible before we started.
“Okay?” Rowan asked quietly, surprising me by suddenly pushing my legs back until the tops of my thighs were almost touching my chest. I nodded quickly, holding my breath and watched as he positioned himself correctly.
I would be a liar if I said it hadn’t hurt, because it did. Quite a lot – despite it being much easier than the first time, but as Rowan leant forwards and covered my body with his I felt a spark of something in the pit of my stomach.
