“Come on, I’ll make you a cup of tea,” I said gently, taking his hand in mine. Rowan allowed me to tow him along into the kitchen. I flicked the switch for the kettle, and we both stood in silence listening to the water inside begin to rumble.
This was everything I’d wanted. For months now all I’d wanted was for Rowan to come clean with his family so we could be together. Now it had happened, I felt hollow. I’d thought the guilt was oppressive before, but it paled in comparison to this. I was officially a homewrecker. I could have cried, but I didn’t. I figured I had the rest of my life to feel sorry for myself and attempt to absolve myself of this guilt. Tonight, and for the foreseeable, I needed to be there for Rowan.
“Do you have your phone back?” I asked.
Rowan pulled it from his pocket and waved it at me before tucking it into his jacket pocket. “It’s stupid, really. I’d worried they’d find out when someone saw us or something, and in the end, it wasmewho messed up. It didn’t even occur to me to hide my phone.”
I gave him a sympathetic smile. I had hundreds of questions I wanted to ask, but I held my tongue. It didn’t feel right to be prying, not when everything was still so raw.
I poured us both a cup of tea, flicking the teabags into the bin and adding milk. I handed one of the steaming mugs to Rowan and we headed out into the lounge. We sat on the sofa, where just twenty-four hours earlier, we’d been all over one another, blissfully happy and unaware of the shit storm that was headed straight for us. I pressed play on the television once more, glad for some background noise. Rowan and I sat side by side, staring blankly at the screen whilst we sipped our tea.
Once he’d finished, Rowan leant over me to place his empty mug back on the side. To my surprise, rather than shifting to sit back at the opposite end of the sofa, he shuffled his body until he was able to lie down with his head in my lap. My brow furrowed with sadness, and I stroked my fingers through his hair. I allowed myself to space out, losing myself in the TV. It was a relief to be able to forget all the pain and guilt, even if it was only temporary.
I wasn’t sure how long we watched, but I yawned widely into my fist and glanced down at Rowan. He was asleep, breathing softly against me. I was sore and stiff from sitting still for so long, but I was loath to disturb him. I remained, gently stroking his soft, golden hair, until I could bear the tingling in my legs no longer. I shifted, frowning as I accidentally woke Rowan. He groaned and rubbed his eyes.
“Come on,” I whispered. “Let’s go to bed.”
Rowan just nodded and sat up, yawning and stretching. I took his hand once more and led him into my bedroom. All the times I had brought Rowan into my room before, I’d been filled with excitement and joy. This was not like those times.
I helped him get undressed. Even as I bared the body I loved so much, I felt nothing. There was no room for desire right now. Rowan allowed me to strip him off until he was donning just his boxers. I followed suit and we slipped into bed beside one another.
After I turned out the light, I curled my body into Rowan’s from behind, wrapping my arms around him. He took one of my hands in his, kissing it. He was hurting, and I felt his pain as if it was my own. We had both known this outcome had been inevitable. We had been fooling ourselves to think we would have been able to get out without hurting anyone, but I suppose I was most taken aback by how much we had also hurt ourselves in the process.
I prayed the relationship I had built with Rowan was as strong as I felt it to be. We were going to need one another, and this was only just beginning.
Chapter Fifteen
“Do you want to call in today?” I asked, watching Rowan buttoning his work shirt.
“No, I think I’d rather work. It’ll keep my mind off things.”
“Are you sure? No one would blame you if you took some time for yourself,” I replied, leaning my shoulder against the doorframe. It was jarring to watch Rowan dressing into the clothes I saw him wearing at work.
“And do what? Hang around here feeling sorry for myself all day?Youhave to go to work, even if I didn’t.”
I shrugged. “We could lie and say we went out and had a dodgy curry together?”
I was relieved when Rowan shot me a small smile. There was a long way to go, but I felt a glimmer of hope.
“Let’s just get this over with. After work I need to call by the house to get the rest of my things. I’ll iron out the finer details with Christina once I get the divorce papers, but I’d like to grab a few more work shirts at least,” Rowan said, flipping the collar of his shirt and looping his tie around his shoulders.
I watched his fingers knotting his tie deftly, thoughts whirring around my brain. Rowan had gone to bed an emotional wreck but had seemingly woken feeling far more pragmatic. The change had been surprising to say the least. I went along with it, but I couldn’t shake the niggling suspicion that the other shoe was about to drop.
“Will you come with me?” he asked.
I cleared my throat. “Are you sure that’s wise?”
“Christina and Teegan aren’t there. They’ve gone to my mother-in-law’s.” Rowan paused. “Please, Max? I’d really appreciate the company.”
I nodded. “Alright. Shall we go straight after work?”
“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”
I shrugged my tunic on, whilst Rowan fastened the buttons at his cuffs. He glanced at me across the bedroom, eyes dropping to my uniform.
“This is really fucking strange,” he muttered. “Seeing you getting dressed for work.”
“Tell me about it,” I chuckled.
