Seeing the way her lips trembled, spasming around the mere shape of the words she wanted to say, Ren took it upon themself to finish them for her. “Today didn’t go as you hoped.”
She nodded. “I knew my plan was stupid. Deep down, I knew it. And don’t look at me like that,” she chided as Ren opened their mouth to protest. “Itwasstupid. Stupid in the way children’s dreams are, or hoping for the impossible to come to pass.”
“There’s nothing wrong with dreaming,” Ren said gently. “Or hoping that things could one day be different.”
“Then why does it hurt so much?”
“Because it matters,” was all Ren said, the hand stroking the top of Pansy’s head an ever-enduring constant.
“Did I ask for too much?” she wondered aloud, her nails digging half-moon crescents into the skin of her upper arms, left bare by the puffy sleeves of her blouse. “All I wanted was for them to see me for who I am – to look beyond the differences,my apparent flaws, and see all the good that’s in there too. Just once! It’s all I’veeverwanted, and they couldn’t even give me that.”
As Pansy’s forehead dropped once more to her knees, Ren shifted closer, the bright seed she’d planted in their heart reaching out for her with gleaming tendrils. It ached, seeing her like this. But there were some wounds not even Ren could shield her from. All they could do was soothe the resultant sting.
Dropping their hand to her shoulders, Ren pulled Pansy into their chest and, with lips grazing the crown of her head, said, “Isee you, Pansy.”
She choked, her shoulders shuddering with the force of another sob. “I wanted them to see you too, Ren,” she whispered. “To see you the way I see you – all your kindness, your wit, your determination. I should’ve… I should’ve told them. Maybe they wouldn’t have listened, but at least I’d have said it, you know?”
“You told your parents. That’s what matters most to me.”
Ren didn’t know how long they held her there, sat in the middle of the road with nothing around them but the breeze and birdsong. Certainly long enough that Pig, still hitched to the wagon, trotted over to investigate. She dug her snout into their lower back, a gesture fueled as much by concern as by impatience. Figuring that Pansy wouldn’t appreciate the feeling of a cold, slightly damp nose pressing into any part of her, Ren shooed Pig away with a half-muttered admonishment, unwilling to relinquish their hold on Pansy until her sobs quieted into wet, shaky hiccups.
Eventually, they did, and soon Pansy’s breathing trended towards something that could be called even. Swiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand, she raised her head withan embarrassed-sounding sniffle. “Do you like pumpkin pie, Ren?”
“Do I—” Ren started to repeat, their eyes briefly widening in surprise before understanding dawned upon them. They smiled. “I love it.”
15
Pansy
To the Goblin Market the young girl went,
Her purse heavy with money to be spent.
But a goblin’s price is never exacted in silver or gold,
For their trade is one of futures sold.
And so, the young girl’s soul joined the rest,
Ensnared in the same magic that made manifest
All that she’d dreamed of and more.
“THE GOBLIN MARKET”, A HALFLING CHILDREN’S RHYME
For once, the comforts of the kitchen did little to ease the miserable knot Pansy’s insides had wound themselves into. Even with Ren by her side, encouraging her with soft words and gentle touches, the day’s disappointment remained anever-present specter, haunting her at every turn. Nothing could slip beyond the chill of its grasp; things that had once brought her joy suddenly turned bitter as ash. And the cottage, now infused with the smell of warm stew and freshly baked pumpkin pie, proved the most intolerable of all.
So, Pansy made her excuses, mumbling something about needing some air as she shoved herself away from the table, where her dinner sat largely untouched. No doubt Ren would think it a waste, but the fact that she’d even managed a handful of bites was already a miracle in itself. Gods knew the weight in her belly had left little room for anything else.
Ren, for their part, said nothing about the wasted food – much to Pansy’s relief. Instead, they only asked, “Do you want me to come with you?”
The answer to that was “no”. For as much as Ren had lent a touch of brightness to an otherwise miserable day, their presence had nonetheless become a blade that cut both ways. Every time Pansy remembered the kiss they’d shared at the Harvest Festival, the memory of Agvaldir was hot on its heels, all too ready to send her soaring heart plummeting back to earth. Whatever had bloomed between Ren and her, it was a fragile, half-cracked thing, hamstrung by a secret barely deserving of the name.
Pansy would insist that she hadn’t done anything wrong. Not really. But still, her stomach turned, its meager contents frothing like the sea in a storm at the merethoughtof telling Ren the truth. Because now that Haverow had well and truly rejected her, they were all she had left. She couldn’t risk damaging that. Not now; not ever. Maybe, if having feelings for one another was enough, she’d feel differently. But they were a halfling and a goblin, and at this point even the world itself seemed determined to keep them apart.
“I’ll just be a moment,” Pansy assured Ren, her lips stretching around a too-stiff smile.
No doubt Ren wanted to accompany her anyway, judging from the concern that slashed across their brow. Still, they did as she asked, settling back into their seat as she headed for the front door.
