No wonder Ren thought her gluttonous, her thoughtlessness somehow always running parallel to her love of food. Sure, she cooked primarily for others rather than herself, but Ren didn’t know that. Not really. So, what else could they reach for but the “selfish, greedy halfling” they and who-knows-how-many other goblins had constructed over the years, a monolith to rival the “evil thief” Pansy’s own people had built in turn?
Except, perhaps, Ren was beginning to understand her. Theycould have just as easily lashed out like before, snarled a few heated insults and stormed off in a huff. Instead, they had opted to meet her halfway, offering compromise in the place of an unbending line. The fact that Pansy even recognized this was, maybe, proof that she, too, was beginning to understand them just the same.
Of course, with Ren it wasn’t exactly crystal clear, her understanding of them more like a cobbled-together patchwork than a complete tapestry. Because even when theydidopen up to her, Pansy couldn’t shake the feeling that they were always holding something back, drip-feeding her the truth in tiny, frustrating little increments.
As much as it grated on her, Pansy knew that trust wasn’t something she could force. She’d simply have to wait. Wait and hope that she could show Ren she was someone worth trusting.
“No, no. It’s okay,” she said quickly, waving a hand in front of her. “If you already have plans for the beans, I can figure something else out. I’ve made quite a dent in your pantry as it is. In fact, how about we plant the rest of these seeds I have? I think there are a few different vegetables in here. As much as I tried to be realistic about the whole thing, I couldn’t stop myself from dreaming.”
Ren blinked, seemingly taken aback by her suggestion. “You want to help me plant more seeds?”
“Yes. Absolutely. Honestly, I wish I could plant them on my own, but, as I’ve already said, I don’t know that much about gardening, and I’d hate to ruin anything you’ve already put work into. This garden is your space, after all.”
For a long moment, Ren seemed at a loss for words. Several times they opened their mouth only to shut it a second later, until, finally, they said, in a soft, barely there murmur, “Mostof the food I grow here, I grow for my clan. It’s why the role of Caretaker is so important.”
Understanding dawned on Pansy like a sunbeam piercing a storm cloud.No wonder Ren was so upset with me, she thought, her nerves sizzling beneath a fresh swell of acid-like shame.I might as well have plucked the food right out of their clan’s mouths!
“I’m so sorry, Ren,” she said, almost breathless with sincerity as she shot up onto her feet. “I didn’t know. I— Of course, I understand why you didn’t tell me, but I do wish you had. I truly just wanted to”– she made a helpless motion with her hands – “share with you. But I managed to do just the opposite.”
“It’s all right,” Ren said, shifting awkwardly. “I realize now that you didn’t mean any harm. But…” They trailed off, their jaw working. “Do you really want to plant all those seeds, knowing that the end results will just go to my clan?”
Admittedly, it hurt, the way they looked at her then, like they were terrified she was going to take it all back. Still, Pansy swallowed past the sting, forced her biggest, brightest smile and said, “Ren, knowing all that makes me want to plant those seedseven more.”
“Oh.” Ren looked down at their feet, their expression suddenly – maddeningly! – unreadable. The only hint Pansy received as to what they were thinking was the slight upwards twitch of their ears, which she hoped was a good thing. Shethoughtit was, but… well, she wouldn’t put it past herself to engage in a bit of wishful thinking.
“Really, don’t worry about me,” Pansy continued, probably babbling at this point – not that she could bring herself to care. “From now on I’ll just go to Haverow for my groceries, okay? I still have some coin left over from my last catering job.”
They gave her a sidelong look. “I’m not saying this to be rude, but weren’t you banned from town?”
It was only by some miracle that Pansy managed not to flinch. She gave an easy wave of her hand, determined to appear unbothered even though the laugh that tore free of her throat sounded hollow to even her own ears. “Oh, don’t worry about that. Surely Councilor Millwood wouldn’t go so far as to post guards by the gates.”
No, far more likely she’d just instruct the rest of the village to shun her, and knowing just how desperately most of Haverow clung to the words of their council, they probably would. The fact dropped into the pit of Pansy’s stomach with a nauseating churn, the kind that persisted even after the worst of the feeling had passed, a low-grade rumble of unease that settled into her joints like lead.
Don’t think about it, she told herself, scrunching her eyes shut as the world gave a queasy wobble.Just focus on winning the competition. Everything will work out once you manage that.
“Are you all right?” Ren asked, suddenly far closer than she remembered, their hand hovering so near the crook of her elbow that she swore she could feel the heat of their palm against her skin. Obviously, they merely meant to steady her should she begin to topple over; and yet, the prospect of them touching her – a rarity, provided Ren was still conscious – was enough to send a giddy jolt lancing through her from head to toe.
Not to mention leave her terribly tongue-tied…
“I, uh…” she stammered, blinking dumbly at the scant distance now separating them. Ren’s face filled her vision, drowning out everything else until there was nothing but the soft curve of their jaw and the maddening fullness of their mouth.
The sounds of the surrounding forest faded, leaving only the gentle rustle of the wind as it carded through the trees. Here under the stars and clear night sky, they might as well have been the only two people in the world. Pansy swallowed, her mouth abruptly dry. How easy it would be to tip forward, all under the guise of “losing her balance”, and press her lips to Ren’s. They wouldn’t even know it had been on purpose and— Ohgoodness, what was she thinking?
Pansy jerked away, her arms pressing flat against her sides. Now was not the time to be taking chances!
“Maybe we should leave this for tomorrow,” Ren said with a frown.
“I’m fine.Really,” Pansy assured them through the vice-grip of her own jittery pulse. “Otherwise, I’ll just wake up tomorrow and find that you did all the work while I was asleep.”
Ren gave a sudden jolt at that; proof, Pansy would argue, that her accusation had landed right on the mark. They huffed, crossing their arms over their chest. “I just don’t like procrastinating when I know something needs to get done.”
“Hence why you let this part of the garden turn into a veritablebean jungle.”
“If you’re going to complain about it, then you can do us both a favor and make yourself useful. Start harvesting the beans, including the vines. I’ll go bring over some crates to load them into.”
A few minutes without Ren turned out to be exactly what Pansy needed to get her heart rate back under control, not to mention herthoughts.
You’re acting insane. Stop it, she told herself, squeezing down hard on the garden shears Ren had brought over earlier.
