She rubbed her hand up and down her thigh. “I let them die, Kawan.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I was supposed to keep them safe. They were my responsibility. My team.”
“You’re not God. You were one person in a warzone.”
“They trusted me.” Her voice cracked. “And now they’re dead.”
“They knew the risks. Just like me and my team.” Kawan stood. He didn’t approach, and that felt like he was letting her burn it out like wildfire.
“I can’t do this. I can’t be here and sit around and talk about my feelings. About my past and what it means to be… me,” she said. “I thought I could… but I can’t.”
He walked to her slowly.
“So, what? You’re going to wall yourself off from everything? Hide in a maze of darkness until there’s nothing but steel armor and empty space.” Kawan held out his hand.
She shook her head.
“Lark.”
“What?”
“Come here.” He inched closer.
She froze, staring at his… loving gaze. It unraveled something deep in her heart.
He wrapped her in his arms.
She stiffened—but didn’t pull away.
“I won’t give you space,” he whispered against her temple. “Not right now. Not when you’re drowning.”
Tears stung her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall.
He tightened his grip. “You didn’t fail. You survived. You kept going. You do that better than anyone I’ve ever known.”
“I didn’t want to survive.”
“I know.”
Her body sagged against his. The tension gave out. The shield cracked. “I keep thinking… if I’d done one thing differently…”
“You’d still be here. Still carrying the weight. That’s who you are.” He pulled back just enough to look at her. “But you’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to shoulder this on your own.”
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to trust that he would be the one who stayed. The one who didn’t break his promise.
She wanted to drown in the comfort of his arms and pretend that being loved didn’t terrify her.
But trust was a dangerous word—people who promised to stay always left. Or died. Or turned on her.
She let him hold her anyway. Let his warmth bleed into her skin. Let her breath slow. Let her heart settle.
She wouldn’t give him all of herself. She didn’t know how to do that.
But for this moment, she could give him her grief.
And maybe that was enough.
