I’m actively unlocking new ways to drool over her that I can barely even comprehend, and all of it sits heavy in my lower jaw. I always want to kiss her, but it’s deeper than that, like I need to sink my teeth into her skin.
Oh.
Oh no.
You. Bonehead. I curse myself.You utter fool.
Of course it’s always been her. She’s my mate. I just didn’t want to see it, because I didn’t want to give her the chance to hurt me again.
The knowledge fits perfectly in my heart, like some kind of sick twist of fate, except for one detail. One moonlit titty-job that would have been one for the record books, if it weren’t for me.
She’s my mate, and what if I hurt her?
It doesn’t matter, ultimately. We’re not good together, because we failed the first time. There were all those reasons she explained to me why it didn’t work, even if none of them feel like anything at all when I watch the way she moves, and feel an unbidden growl try to rise up in my chest.
The only thing that feels worth letting her go is what pulled us apart initially: we can’t make a life that would be good for both of us work. My nature would hurt her again.
I dig my hands in my pockets for maybe the hundredth time today. Stay out of the way, stay far, far away from her. Every time I start pacing, I find myself wandering back to the kitchen, and have to purposefully go somewhere else.
This time, it’s out back, near the woods. I’m this close to just disappearing back into them.
This is the first time I have really seen all of it set up. The lawn beside the house looks like something out of a magazine. It is a small wedding, but that does not mean it’s any less beautiful than a fairy tale when our mother is planning it. Ten or so small round tables are spread around one side of the lawn, complete with long white tablecloths, floral centerpieces and settings, and two different stemmed glasses for each elaborate place setting. A few dozen fancy wooden folding chairs line an aisle of flower petals, leading up to one of those gorgeous flower arches full of swaths of gauzy fabrics that wave in the slight breeze. Against the backdrop of the mountains and the thick green woods, it is breathtaking.
Our mother always knows how to host a party, I’ll give her that.
It was hard not to think about Elise and the day we eloped. The two of us jumping off the Atlantic City boardwalk into the sand and immediately losing a flip flop in the process. Staring out across the ocean, knowing there was an eternity before us and feeling like it would never be enough. That, for a moment, we were the only people in the world. And as excited and giddy as we had been, it was also incredibly lonely.
There are just so many chairs here.
“If it reminds you at all of the wedding from the movie version of Twilight, yes, that is my doing,” Laura whispers as she elbows my arm to break me out of my reverie.
I give myself a little shake and try to pull myself back to the present. Unfortunately for me, I do remember having front-row tickets to Laura’s Twilight obsession. “Uh, kinda. Maybe if it was actually in the woods instead of next to them.”
“Yeah, Deanna shot that down. She didn’t think there was going to be room for everything with how close the trees are.”
“I didn’t realize so many people were going to be here,” Elise says, nearly startling me out of my skin as she steps into our conversation.
“Oh, yeah. I heard you ran into my mom.” Laura grimaces a little.
“Yeah. She’s, uh . . .”
“She’s a hater, I know. She’s also Logan’s godmother though, so it’s not like they wouldn’t invite her,” Laura mutters, rolling her eyes.
Out of the view of my cousin’s theatrics, Elise meets my eyes briefly, and I drop the contact the second it happens, burned by it. I immediately take ten steps in a different direction, pretending to examine the place cards on one of the tables.
“It’s still pretty small. A lot of Dad’s side of the family is gonna show up. They’re a little weird and distant. The cousins are cool though,” Aiden says, and he starts to go to playfully mess Laura’s hair up but stops himself about two inches from impact at the look she gives him.
“Donot. I spent all morning on this; there is so much hairspray keeping everything exactly where I want it,” she snaps, deadly serious for a moment, her eyes flashing wolfishly.
“Got it, got it,” Aiden yips, chased away by her tone.
Laura glances between me and Elise. “What’s the matter with you two?
“Nothing,” she says at the same time I do.
Laura frowns, likely contemplating whether or not she wants to press her luck with us but decides against it at the sound of cars pulling up. Elise doesn’t hear it, but every wolf in and out of the house looks up at the minute sound of tires crunching over the gravel driveway.
Her mouth is set in a stony frown, but her eyes are full of apology.
