“You look envious,” Czar asserts.
I turn my head over my shoulder to meet his eyes. “I am.”
His head rears back, and he gazes at me as if looking at me for the first time. His eyes fill with sympathy, then he licks his lips. “You can’t have it.” He’s referring to freedom, of course, and I nod, my heart beating faster than ever. I can’t have it.
“Neither can you,” I bite back in reference to his impending arranged marriage, and he grimaces.
“You’re the heir to the family, Azrael, and you’re literally named after the angel of death.” His feet shift from side to side, and he lowers his voice. “You’re born to be our leader when our father passes.”
“I’m aware.” I hold his stare, and something passes between us. A silent conversation that acknowledges my time is coming soon. Our father can’t live for much longer, not when he’s so out of control. Not with the O’Connells so hellbent on revenge too.
What he doesn’t realize is, I may be named after the angel of death, but his name means ruler, emperor of the kingdom.
Czar was born to be the leader; I was born to make him it.
“Azrael?” She shifts, whimpering in her sleep, and the dull ache in my chest deepens. I want to hold her; tell her everything is going to be okay.
Promise her a lifetime together.
Just how she planned.
But I can’t. I can’t give her what she wants, what she deserves. Right now, I can’t even offer her security.
“Azrael? Can you hold me?” she whispers in her sleep, and the pang in my chest burns, leaving a gaping hole Iknow I’ll be permanently left with. A scar on my most sacred organ that I’m hoping I can wear with pride.
Methodically, I undress. My gaze never wavers from her, and once I’m naked, I slip between the sheets, embracing her warmth as she does me.
“Azrael?” she murmurs, turning over to face me, and I take the opportunity to hold her chin between my fingers and draw her lips against mine in the most tender of kisses I wasn’t even aware of being capable of.
She freezes and pulls back, then her eyes flare open before she just as quickly relaxes. “You’re here.”
“I am.” My eyes bounce over her face, taking in each one of her attributes. The cute furrow of her brow as she surveys me, the small scattering of freckles beneath her right eye that you can only see from up close, and the tiny dimple on her chin that’s only visible when she smiles. I take them all in, committing them to memory.
“I missed you,” she admits, melting against my touch.
My thick hand roams up her thigh and over her hip before gliding back down again, caressing her smooth skin.
The lump in my throat makes it difficult to speak, but I swallow past it. “I thought you’d hate me for what I’ve done to you.”
“You didn’t do it.” She’s quick to point out, but I place my finger on her lips to stop her. I don’t need her words of reassurance, not tonight. I’ve already made peace with my plan, and I know as I tear out our hearts, the past no longer matters, only the future.
I’d like to mourn our loss and what’s going to come next, but there’s plenty of time in hell to wallow in self-pity.
Tonight, I want to experience her touch.
One last time.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Hevan
His touch ripples through me, stoking the flames of a fire only he can ignite. There’s a sadness in his eyes as they bore into every crevice and cell of my body. An emptiness I’m unprepared for. A despondent look I wish I could banish, and the thought twists my insides; it’s almost like he’s detaching himself from me, but the way he touches me is with such fervor and tenderness, as if he can’t get enough of me.
He slips his finger into my mouth, and I suck; his pupils dilate, creating a potent blend of lust and admiration. He withdraws his finger from my mouth and replaces it with his tongue. Gently, we tangle together, sweeping into one another’s mouths, like long-lost lovers reemerging.
I wrap my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair, and he groans against me, pushing his hard cock against my hip.
He pulls back, leaving me breathless. “Tell me I can make love to you.” My heart skips a beat. It’s the firsttime he’s acknowledged our coming together as making love, and I see it as a tremendous accomplishment, but with it comes a deep longing for what we were going to be.
