A knock sounds on the office door, and stupid hope blooms in my chest.
“Come in.” I sit back in my chair, attempting to hide the smile fighting to break out on my face. My happiness falls when Elizabeth walks into the room and closes the door behind her.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, sir. What would you like for dinner tonight?”
The question catches me off guard; she never asks me. “I won’t be here for dinner; I’ll be at my father’s.”
“Hevan too?” Her name playing on her lips pisses me off. I don’t like anyone calling her by her name, not when I’ve only just gotten used to it myself. It’s mine.
“No. Why the hell would I take my slave there?” I snap back. Then the thought of Hevan eating without me sends aflash of regret through me. “Why don’t you go ask her what she wants to eat tonight? Where the fuck is she, anyway?”
“Th-the library, sir.”
She’s clearly still sulking at my harsh words, but she needed to hear them, every damn one. I refuse to allow her to believe we can live in a dream world.
“Is that all?” I cock a brow.
She nods, dodging my glare and bolting out of the door as if her ass were on fire.Fuck, I’m such a bastard.
I’m unsure how long has passed with thoughts of Hevan consuming me. With a heavy sigh, I stand and peer out the window overlooking the garden. I avoid the search for the brightest star in the sky like I do every nightfall. The guilt of losing her is always eating away at me, it’s something I did in order to survive, to claim my title as the devil and secure my future in the empire. Now I’m left with another choice, but I’m entirely at odds as to how to survive it.
The house is quiet as I head to the library, an eerie silence I’ve become accustomed to, but I can’t help but wonder what the sound of a baby would be like in this cold building I call home.
My heart lurches at the sight of her. She’s curled into a small ball, her eyes are rimmed red but closed, and her small lips are even pouting in her sleep. The thought has my lip tipping up. She clutches a book to her chest, and I slip it from her grasp to place it on the coffee table. “The Count of Monte Cristo, very interesting, Little Toy.” Then I scoop her into my arms and head toward the stairs.
“Azrael?” Her soft, sleepy voice is full of uncertainty, and it sends a shiver down my spine at the rawness of it.
“Shhh, go back to sleep, Hevan. You’re safe with me.” I kiss the top of her head and relish the way she nestles into my chest as if seeking protection.
“I’m always safe with you,” she whispers back, and how I wish that was true. Though I refuse to admit it to her, and that heavy ball of dread inside me is pulling me down. Suddenly, I don’t want to leave her tonight, not like this, not without us ironing things out.
Instead of heading to her room, I take us straight into mine. It feels right to lay her on my sheets surrounded by my scent, fully encapsulated in everything me. I bend and breathe her in while I place a soft kiss on the top of her head, and she responds with a sweet sound that causes my cock to twitch.
If she’s going to be safe anywhere, it’s here, right where she belongs.
Chapter Forty-Three
Azrael
For some reason, I force myself to look up at the sky as I take another drag of the cigarette in my hand.
“You ready?” Jensen asks, rounding the SUV.
The star illuminating me seems brighter than ever. It follows me around like a noose around my fucking neck, but tonight, I welcome it.
Welcome my punishment.
For so many sins.
A long list of them.
Falling for Hevan being at the very top of it.
“Azrael?” Jensen questions. He stills and surveys me. “You ready?” Concern is evident in his tone.
“I…” I pause, irritation of not being able to pinpoint the feeling slivers over my skin. “I’m not sure. It just seems different tonight,” I grit out, holding his stare. Maybe it’s because of the weight I carry, the thought of leaving Hevan when we’ve barely spoken, the thought of telling her we can’t have this baby and the life she dreams of.
