I ran my finger around the rim of my glass and decided to be honest. I hadn’t shared this with anyone—these days, no one seemed too keen on sharing—but who would Luca tell? He and Sunder barely stood each other’s presence, and it wasn’t like they ran in the same circles.
“We’re trying. He’s with me most of the day, every day. I spend most nights in his bed. But there are—” I thought of Sunder’s ambric timbre, seeping menace through his veins. I thought of the lexicon of lust scrawled between us in hungry touches, and the constant pain blotting it out. I thought of all the things I owed him; the pressing weights of debts unpaid. “—complications.”
“Does it matter?”
I cocked my head and frowned.
“I mean, the man’s in love with you,” Luca said. “Or didn’t you know?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Love seemed impossible when my whole life was fear and doubt and uncertainty. “He’s not.”
Luca’s eyes gleamed. “Drink.”
I laughed again, and threw back my drink, then held out my glass for another dram. The liquor didn’t taste so bad anymore, and my head swam warm and pleasant. “He expects things from me. I’ve become his symbol for a world that’s better—shinier—than the one he lives in. It’s not me he loves. It’s my potential.”
“Scion’s teeth, Sylvie!” Luca leaned back in his chair and whistled. “That’s harsh. And if he did love you for who you are, instead of what you represent?”
“If he truly loved me for me?” I took another sip. “I’m not sure I would deserve it.”
Luca went quiet. “You don’t believe you deserve his love?”
“I’m not sure either of us deserves it.” My chest had gone numb.
“If you don’t believe you’re worthy of one man’s love,” Luca murmured, “how can you expect to be worthy of theirs?”
“Theirs?”
“Ours. Citizens of the Amber City—of the Amber Empire.”
I’d begun to ask myself the same question.
“My turn.” My head spun. “Why did you leave? You took off before the fighting ended.”
“You didn’t need me anymore.”
“Why would you think that?” I gripped my glass more tightly. “Luca, you’ve always been wrapped up in this. You helped open my eyes to Severine’s cruelties. You set in motion the assassination attempt that ended with me discovering my true identity. Your revolutionaries destroyed half my palais. We spent a span in the Belsyre foothills—you, me, and Oleander—camping and plotting and mustering troops. You think that all ended the moment we defeated the Skyclad? I needed you then. I need you now.”
Something sharp and hot flared in Luca’s eyes. “Why?”
“To remind me where I came from. To remind me what I’m fighting for. To help me keep this dream alive.”
“You have plenty of people for that.”
“Plenty isn’t enough. I need you all.”
Luca lowered his eyes and rolled his glass over his palm. “How is Oleander?”
“Oleander?” My head lurched trying to keep up with the conversation. Why would Luca be asking about Oleander? The three of us had spent a harried span together when we fled the Amber City, but the two of them had barely spoken. “Same’s always. She’s makin’ me throw a party. She helped me find—”
Did Luca know about the Relics?I clapped a hand over my mouth and tried to swallow the words forcing their way up my throat. Were they words? My head swam, and I staggered out of my chair, reaching for my cape.
“Whoa, whoa!” Luca was at my side, wedging an arm under my shoulder and checking my reeling steps. “Just where do you think you’re going?”
“I think … have t’go home.”
“Home?” Mirth shaded Luca’s eyes to bronze. “I lost count of how many of those you had, but you’re not going anywhere.”
“Can’t … stay here.”
