“Maybe you should listen to Theo,” Ginny whispers, but I ignore her too.
“California alt-rockers the Future Saints, of recent internet fame, will release their next album on Nov. 20,” I read aloud. “Meaning several of their previously released singles will be eligible for February’s Grammys, but not the album in its entirety. Which, I can now confirm after listening to it, is no great loss.”
I take a deep breath and keep going. “Titled ‘One Day, Virginia,’ the album explores grief and hope in the wake of loss, though it’s heavy on the former and light on the latter. Fans of the Saints will certainly know the album is inspired by the passing of Virginia Cortland, 26, sister of singer-songwriter Hannah Cortland, 28, and close friend of bassist Tarak Ravishankar, 28, and Kenneth Lovins, 28—”
“And band manager,” Kenny cuts in. “He erased that fact.”
I swallow and continue. “While there’s certainly something to be said for big feelings—and the Saints, in sound, structure, lyrics, and emotions, are maximalists if nothing else—the album is an exercise in surface-level theatrics. Apparently, Ms. Cortland and her associates are under the impression that they alone have experienced tragedy. At least that’s what their lyrics would have us believe.”
Wordlessly, Ripper rests his hand on my arm.
“The young Saints would do well to remember that every person on the planet has experienced loss, and manyfar deeper than they. Who wants to immerse themselves in another person’s pain when we all have enough of our own? It’s only their TikTok audience—particularly the young women for whom this album is no doubt intended, who are busy gathering their rosebuds and might not yet have felt loss’s icy grip—who will appreciate such self-flagellating, grief-romanticizing tracks as ‘Little Beasts’ and ‘I Need Some Help.’”
I pause. Reading each new sentence feels like plunging a sword deeper into my stomach. “Rather than try to tackle something as weighty as grief, one almost wishes Ms. Cortland, the band’s principal songwriter, had focused her attention on the same subjects that occupy her contemporaries, namely breakups and dance anthems—subjects in which she is no doubt more well-versed. I will admit I’m not the band’s target demographic—I’m afraid my age, gender, and Ph.D. in musicology disqualify me—but all the same, I’ll offer some advice. For my money, the Saints would be better served by a return to form with their next album. At least their light, breezy pop-punk songs provided a welcome respite from the depths of pain in which they’re currently wallowing.”
I can’t read anymore. I click Ripper’s phone dark.
Silence falls over the warehouse. Kenny lays his head on my shoulder.
“It’s just one man’s opinion,” Theo says, his voice thick. “Not everyone is going to get it.”
Ripper squeezes my arm, and I want to comfort him, as well as Kenny, I really do—but even though it’s the three of us huddled here, the truth is, I stand alone with the weight of what we’ve tried and failed to do. The new direction was my idea. And it doesn’t matter how many people have said nice things about my work. It’s the criticism that matters, the criticism that’s honest. Jerry Hughes has peered past the layers of false hype and false praise to witness me as I truly am, asI’ve always been: a writer with ambition, but not enough skill to pull it off.
I’ve put my heart and soul into making Ginny a monument, art that could keep her alive, and what I’ve created is an embarrassment.
I failed her.
“Hey.” Theo’s voice has turned exceedingly gentle. “I’ll tell Sindri we need to wrap for the day.” He looks at Ripper and Kenny. “Why don’t we all go home and get some rest? Make it an early night.”
Rip and Ken nod. Theo turns to me.
“Sure,” I say numbly. “Sounds like a plan.”
Ginny’s watching me, but I don’t meet her eyes.
She knows I’m lying.
Chapter 42
Texts between Bryan Toussaint and Theo Ford (Saturday, October 12, 2024)
BRYAN:Yikes. I just saw those pics of Hannah from last night. How you holding up?
THEO:I’ve told you a million times to unfollow Deuxmoi.
BRYAN:Maybe it’s the lighting, but she’s looking a little strung out, man. The ratio of commenters calling her “Mother” vs. saying she needs rehab is starting to tip in the wrong direction. Everything okay over there?
THEO:The band got some bad news yesterday. I guess she wanted to blow off steam. It’s fine. Nothing I can’t handle.
BRYAN:What about the guy in the pics with her? That serious?
THEO:Chase Benjamin?
BRYAN:Skinny dude who looks like Edward from Twilight? He had his arm around Hannah which got me testy.
THEO:Why?
BRYAN:Don’t tell me we’re still playing this game
