RAVISHANKAR:When I started getting interested in music, no one took me seriously. They thought it was another one of my fads. Actually, I’m pretty sure my brothers thought I was trying to join a boy band. They kept asking why I wasn’t practicing my dance moves.
MORRIS:I could see it.
RAVISHANKAR:To add another layer, I also came out as bisexual when I was seventeen. My family was cool about it, very accepting. Which isn’t always the case in a Hindu family, even a nontraditional one like ours.
MORRIS:Or a Mormon family like mine.
RAVISHANKAR:Right? So I was fortunate. But I still felt this underlying pressure to prove myself, you know, that I was one of the boys. When my brothers realized I was playing bass in a rock band, and that I was picking up a lot of tail doing it, I won respect. It was . . . masculinizing, I guess. Is that a word?
MORRIS:No idea. You’re the one with the college degree.
RAVISHANKAR:Maybe it’s being a brown person, maybe it’s being a queer person . . . or, I don’t know, there are a lot of queer brown people making great music while being themselves. Maybe it’s just a me thing. A personal insecurity. But I’ve always felt this pressure to be more traditionally masculine. Rock out harder, take off my shirt at shows and flex my muscles, be fearless.
MORRIS:No, that makes sense. I feel it too. People always expect me to act really hard. Buying into it has led to some bad decisions.
RAVISHANKAR:Yeah, I saw your flaming shot fiasco in Vegas.
MORRIS:I almost got banned from playing our Vegas show after that.
RAVISHANKAR:I recently lit someone on fire. I was trying to show off on a dare.
MORRIS:Why does proving our masculinity involve so much fire?
RAVISHANKAR:I don’t know.
MORRIS:We need someone smart to unpack that and email us the answer.
RAVISHANKAR:I think I’ve always been chasing respect. Wanting people to take me seriously. But I put aside some of my ambition when I joined the Saints because Hannah is such an obvious lead.
MORRIS:Listeners will be familiar with Hannah Cortland, rock’s new queen of sad. How do you compete with that?
RAVISHANKAR:Exactly. For years I didn’t even try. But my friend’s death last year put things in perspective. And I realized that even if it rocked the boat, I wanted to improve my skills enough to take center stage. So I busted my ass all year to get better. That’s how I spent every minute I had off.
MORRIS:It shows.
RAVISHANKAR:Thanks. I don’t mean to sound like a narcissist, but I think I have some talent. And I want to be a front man. Even if it means I have to branch out on my own.
MORRIS:Whoa. You’re dropping bombs. Are you saying you’re leaving the Saints?
RAVISHANKAR:It’s been a challenging year.
MORRIS:Even with all the success? You guys are top of the game, man. It’s been wild to watch. I mean, the singles you’re putting out are shooting to the top of the Billboard charts. You just didSNL. Everyone expects your album to top the charts when it drops.
RAVISHANKAR:Truthfully, as wild as it looks from the outside, it’s wilder inside. We’re all struggling without Ginny. It’s been hard to watch Hannah grapple with losing her and try to lead the band at the same time. I don’t know how well it’s working.
MORRIS:Maybe Hannah takes a step back and you step up for a while?
RAVISHANKAR:I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but . . . The problem is, there’s always been an undercurrent of competition between us. So whenever I bring it up, I think that dynamic,uh . . . makes it a no-go. I just want to be clear that the reason I want to front the band isn’t some masculinity hang-up, me thinking I have to prove myself. I’m just ready to step up.
MORRIS:She sees you as a threat?
RAVISHANKAR:I think so. But maybe that’s just part of where she’s at right now, you know? Mentally.
MORRIS:I saw her on the cover ofUS Weeklya few weeks ago. The headline was something like “Sinead or Britney? Is Hannah Cortland’s Shaved Head an Act of Defiance or a Cry for Help?”
RAVISHANKAR:Christ, people need hobbies. It’s not even a full shaved head. It’s just one side. She’s a musician. Who cares what she looks like?
MORRIS:Well, which one is it?
