She was in the farthest corner, idly pulling streamers up from the ground, though there was no way cleanup was on her list of responsibilities. I ran to her and she dropped them. “I’m so sorry,” I said, and rushed into her arms.
“Me too.” Her voice was thick. “But we put up a hell of a fight. We can be proud of that.”
“If it was my fault—”
She shook her head. “Stop. It wasn’t.”
“Where is he?”
She pulled back and gave me a sad smile. “He gave it everything, you know? It was too hard. After the speech, he left.”
44
I’ll Find You in the Dark
I pounded on Logan’s door. Please open. The shades were drawnso I couldn’t see inside. I paced away from the door, then raced back, lifting my hand to knock again.
The door swung open. Logan stood there in his joggers and a gray T-shirt. His black curls were in chaos, cheeks red under his stubble, eyes glassy. The minute our eyes met, I felt like I’d been punched, and staggered forward just in time to catch him as he bent, hands pressed to his mouth, his heart breaking open.
I held him as he wept. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” I repeated it like a mantra.
“I failed everyone who was counting on me.” He choked on the words.
“No, you didn’t. Everyone’s so proud of you.”
He shook his head, eyes wild with grief. “I let everyone down. You, Nora, my staff, my family. Everyone who voted for me.”
“Come on.” We needed to get out of the doorway in case of reporters. I pulled Logan to his couch, where he sank with his head in his hands. Then I shoved the front door closed and locked it. When I came back, I sat next to him and drew him to my chest. He pressed his face into my shoulder and shook.
“I know this hurts,” I said softly. “I know it’s gutting. But you didn’t fail. You did something remarkable.”
His arms circled me, holding on like I was a buoy in a storm. “If I was better, I would’ve won.”
I stroked his back. “You were so good you almost beat a Republican inTexas. You almost won a race you were never supposed to win.”
“I wanted it so much.” His voice was ragged. In it I heard his raw and ravaged heart. “My whole life. I gave everything. And I still failed.”
I smoothed his hair from his forehead. “You know what? So what if you did fail? I’ve failed before. Countless times. This is only one terrible day. Your worth and your value aren’t tied to this one thing, no matter how much you gave it. There’s so much more out there for you.”
I could feel him shaking his head against my chest, unwilling or unable to believe it. So I reached deep inside myself. “No one’s disappointed in you, Logan. No one’s going anywhere. You are enough all on your own, with or without that title, whether you ever run another race or not. Just you. Logan Arthur. You are worth a thousand lifetimes of devotion.” It was everything I’d always needed to hear, and I’d finally healed myself so well I was able to give it to him.
Lee had been right: everything in its time.
“You are so important to me,” I whispered, and he tensed.
Logan pulled his tear-stained face from my chest. His eyes were dark with pain and desire. Before I could say anything, he cupped my face and caught my lips, kissing me hungrily. He tasted like salt and heat. A small groan sounded in the back of my throat and he dragged me on top of him, lunging for his wallet on the table and pulling out a condom.
I was no stranger to grief. I knew what he needed.
I ran my fingers down his wet cheeks, rubbing my thumb across his swollen bottom lip, and he bit it. With my finger in his mouth I ground against him, and he tore at his sweatpants, pushing them down, rolling the condom on. We moved quickly, the only sounds our heavy breathing. Logan reached under my skirt to yank my panties aside, and pulled me down by my hips, filling me in one swift movement. It was so much I rocked back and cried out.
He was merciless. I mirrored him, and together we moved faster, harder, not letting up. The way his fingers dug into my hips would leave bruises, but I didn’t care. My climax was already building, and when my orgasm hit and I started to still, he didn’t stop. He flipped me over on my hands and knees on the couch and pushed inside me deeper, pounding harder. My fingers curled into the couch cushions. I thought I would dissolve under his force, and it surprised me how much I wanted it. When he found that place, the deep well of sensation, I pressed my forehead to the couch. He bent lower, his fingers finding me and stroking like he was determined to wring every last feeling out of me. I was sweating, my breathing ragged, muscles liquid. There was still no sound except our rough exhales. The feeling inside me spiked and spilled over, and as I gasped his hand gripped my mouth, fingers splayed. I sank my teeth into him as he kept pounding, until he shuddered and stilled.
For a long moment we simply stayed there, panting, Logan’s forehead pressed into my spine. Then slowly he retreated and we sank into his couch.
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. “I needed—”
“I know.” I smoothed his damp hair. “Let me get you some water.”
