“Come find your soul mate,” he said, voice rich and warm. “The next member of your family.” The shot shifted to him standing next to me, holding Patches, which made Patches perk up in my lap. On-screen, Logan and I smiled at each other over her head, eyes shining.
“You have no idea the love that’s waiting for you.” The commercial started to dissolve into a black screen with the Happy Homes address but I rewound it, freezing on the frame of Logan and me.
I’d never seen myself so happy.
Without warning, I burst into tears. I’d worked so hard to care only the appropriate amount. I’d pulled myself back in every situation, held my heart so carefully at bay, and it was all for nothing. Because there I was on-screen for everyone to see, adoration plain on my face. It had been there all along, hadn’t it? Even though he was supposed to be a one-night stand, I’d liked Logan so much—toomuch—that first night at the Fleur de Lis, and it only intensified with every day I got to know him better. There was no use telling myself to stop, because I loved him beyond logic and reason.
Ilovedhim.
Banging sounded at my door, making Patches and me jump. I wiped my tears hurriedly, feeling like I’d been caught.
“Alexis!” Lee called. “It’s me.”
I stalked to the door and wrenched it open. “Why don’t you ever call first?”
Lee was in full politician mode, her business suit sharp, sunglasses dark and mirrored, lips crimson. “Because then you’d tell me not to come.” She breezed past me. “You look like you haven’t gone outside in days, by the way. Real bunker hole vibe.”
I followed her to my living room, tugging my blankets over my shoulders. “Yeah, well...you look like a villain fromHouse of Cards.”
She sat on my couch and beamed. “Aw, thank you. I had back-to-back interviews today. Everyone’s asking if I knew you and Logan were fake when I endorsed him. Our phones have been ringing off the hook.”
“Oh, no.” I sank next to her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”
She waved me off. “Please. I love going toe-to-toe with anyone who thinks they can badmouthyoutome. Those clowns. Wait.” She leaned closer. “Have you been crying? The last time I texted, you seemed fine.”
I scrubbed my eyes and let out a tremulous “No.”
Lee inched closer. “Look, you were right about Logan, okay? He turned out to be a really good guy. The way he threw himself under the bus for you is all anyone can talk about.”
I ducked my head so she couldn’t see my eyes.
“Hey, Lex. Talk to me. We’re going to get through this, I promise. You can still be an activist or a union leader, even a politician. It’ll be the new family business and it’ll be great.”
My emotions balanced on a knife’s edge. The old habits were tugging at me, urging me to keep things bottled up, not rock the boat. Then, on the other side, was my burning desire to have a truthful moment with my sisterfinally.
I caught sight of the TV over Lee’s shoulder. On-screen, I glowed at a man I’d never been honest with, and now my chance was gone. There were too many shots I hadn’t taken. No more.
“You’re my role model,” I said.
Lee’s eyes widened in surprise. I didn’t try to hide the shakiness in my voice. “You’re the person I look up to most in the world. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be like you. And every time I fall short, it hurts.”
“What?” Her voice was faint.
“I’ve always known you were who I should strive to be. It was so obvious after mom and dad split. Dad admired you no matter what, and next to you, I think he barely saw me.” My voice broke. “But no matter what I do, Lee, I just can’t make myself be like you. I’m a different person, and I have to admit that. I don’t want a big, zany life. I’m happy with a small, quiet one. And after the last few months, and especially the last week, I think I’m learning to be okay with that, but—” I took a deep breath, summoning my courage “—I need you to be okay with it, too. I need you to stop pushing me to be someone I’m not. I want you to be proud of me for who I am.”
In the silence that followed I was too scared to look. Finally, I forced my eyes up—and when I did, I saw that Lee was crying.
“I’msoproud of you,” she managed to say. “Alexis, you’re my favorite person in the world.”
Before I could process, she leaned over and did the thing I’d been craving for so long: she hugged me. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you felt that way about Dad—Ishould’veknown. But instead of checking in on you, I pushed you away. I was just so hurt he betrayed us and then it felt like you were siding with him, and then we lost him before I could fix it, and I couldn’t ever... It was so painful. There was this physical block whenever I tried to talk about it. I had so many regrets. But because of that, I let you drift away from me.”
I pressed my face into her shoulder. “I never drifted. I followed you everywhere.”
“I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to...to hug you or just be close to you...but I held myself back.” She gripped me tighter. “Please forgive me. I promise I’ll do better.”
I squeezed her, unable to speak.
“And everything you said about me pushing you is true. But it wasn’t because I wanted you to be like me, Alexis—I wanted you to have it better. Telling you to use your backbone and everything with Chris and Logan and Will, I just didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. I didn’t want you to wait so long to find what fulfilled you, or settle for anything less thanreallove, healthy love. It took me so long to figure myself out. I wanted you to learn from my mistakes.” She laughed a little and pulled back to wipe her eyes. “I should’ve remembered you were always naturally smarter at these things.”
