I nodded, and he released me, setting me gently on my feet. Then he turned and strode out of the library, clearing his throat and readjusting his suit as he walked. I could hear him call a terse hello to someone and then his footsteps faded, leaving me alone with my heart and my thoughts, both racing.
32
Full Hearts
Not even thirty minutes after I got home from school, I heard thenow-familiar sound of my front door swinging open. “SOS received!” Rapid footsteps echoed from the hall and then Zoey stood peering down at me. “Why are you strewn on the couch like some Victorian aristocrat who caught the vapors?”
I removed the arm I’d flung over my face. “Because I’m dy—wait. Why is your hair and makeup so fancy?” Zoey’s mermaid hair fell over her shoulders in movie star ringlets, her lips were a lovely mauve, and when she blinked, the tips of her faux lashes hit her brow bone. She looked like a magazine cover star.
She winked at her reflection in the hall mirror. “I came straight from my hair and makeup trial.”
I sat up, sending Patches leaping from my chest. “Oh, Zo, you lookgorgeous. Do you need any help with wedding stuff? It’s right around the corner—”
“Stop it right there.” She shook her head. “Don’t do that thing where you bury your problems and focus on other people. You’re the main character today. Now tell me what’s up?”
I wilted against the couch and threw my arm back over my face. “Logan kissed me.”
“Ahh!” She sank down next to my feet. “Wait—a performance kiss or a real kiss?”
“Real. Maybe the realest of my life. I didn’t even know it could feel like that.” Before this afternoon in the library, the first night I met Logan would’ve gone down as my hottest experience. But...well, I knew him better now. The electric attraction was still there, whatever it was about him and his pheromones that called my body to attention, but now it was magnified tenfold. Every action had weight. Because it wasn’t just some attractive stranger kissing me—it wasLogan.Logansliding his hands into my hair like he couldn’t get me close enough. Maybe I was different from Lee and her friends, who were able to enjoy a one-night-stand with a hot stranger. Maybe it took an emotional connection to really turn me on.
The moment the thought entered my head, so many things clicked into place: why sex with Chris Tuttle had never been great,especiallyafter he cheated and our connection was thin and fragile; why my attempts at the kinds of casual hookups other people were capable of always fizzled. Maybe it wasn’t a matter of shyness, a roadblock I needed to overcome: maybe it was just a part of what made me me.
Zoey swooned over my legs. “I’ve been waiting for this moment since day one. Itold youhe loves you! I love being right.”
“Oh my God, Zoey, he doesn’tloveme. I don’t know how he feels, actually.” I stared up at the ceiling. “He’s a mess of contradictions. I think it’s safe to say he’s attracted to me. I mean, between the hotel and the library...”
“Of course he’s attracted to you.”
“But,”I countered, raising my eyebrows at her. “One of those situations involved alcohol and the other involved stress. And Logan told me outright he’s not looking for a relationship. I mean, he practically pushed me toward Will. Oh, God.” I sat up again, jostling Zoey. “What do I do about Will? Do I come clean? Apologize?”
“How many dates have you gone on with Will?”
“Two.”
“Just two? Did you guys agree to be exclusive?”
“No. We haven’t even kissed.”
“Ugh.” Zoey gently slapped my leg. “Lex, I love you, but you do realize you’re allowed to be a modern woman who dates multiple people, right? You don’t owe anyone your immediate undying devotion. Even if they’re really nice.”
I took a deep breath. “It’s important to me not to be a cheater.”
Her eyes filled with knowing. “I get that. But unless you and Will agreed to be exclusive, you’re not doing anything wrong. Try putting your needs first for once.”
I squeezed her hand. “Thankyoufor being such a good friend.”
She squeezed back. “Here’s what you do with Logan. It’s simple. You need to know how he feels, so you’re going to...askhim.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. The next time you see him, you’re going to have an honest conversation about how you both feel. If he’s busy, stand up for yourself and tell him to make time for you. And if hestillbrushes you off, then you have your answer anyway. Either way, you’ll leave knowing.”
Even the thought of getting clarity from Logan was a relief. And this sounded like the way Lee would approach the situation. She would take charge, insist on being taken seriously. “What if he regrets kissing me? Or it meant nothing more to him than a momentary attraction?”
Zoey lay back on the couch. “You know, sometimes Istillworry I’m not good enough for Annie.”
“Really?”
