“Sixweeks?” All this time, I’d been busting my ass trying to get our bill passed, worrying about being a more-than-perfect employee, worrying about letting Dakota down, and she’d been getting busy with Grover Mane and lying about it? I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. This was Dakota Young. She didn’t do the wrong thing. She was kind and respectful and good. She was the opposite of everyone who’d ever let me down. The opposite ofme. I’d counted on that.
“Hey, Lee?” Ben shot a worried look at the open door. “Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else.”
“Good idea,” said the governor, adjusting his cuff links. “Here’s a better one—let’s all relax and forget this ever happened.”
“But you’re married,” I said to Dakota, ignoring them. “George isdownstairs, for Christ’s sake. Probably brainstorming ways to defend you against Slittery.” As much as I tried to push it out of my mind, I couldn’t help but remember the moment I’d found my father’s emails on his desktop; the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realized he’d chosen Michelle over me. His love and loyalty had gone toher, when it was supposed to go to me, and my mom and Alexis. I hated that I could still feel that sixteen-year-old inside me, confused and in pain, unable to understand why life was unfolding this way.
“I know it’s wrong,” Dakota said quietly, twisting the ring on her finger. “It’s a huge mistake. I never should have started it, or taken risks like this—”
“If anyone finds out, the bill is dead.” I laced my fingers together and looked between the governor and Dakota. “You realize that, right?” I was talking to them like they were children, I knew, but my shock had given way to cold anger over what they’d jeopardized. “If anyone so much as catches a hint of this, the media will have a field day. The Green Machine will be toxic. Hell, Lise Motors could be tanked.”
Had I, a citizen of Texas seeking the passage of a state bill, technically hooked up with a member of the governor’s administration, thus potentially impugning the perception of said bill? Sure, but Ben and I were nobodies. Dakota Young and Grover Mane? The whole country would sit up and pay attention. It was utterly reckless.
The governor gave a rueful laugh. “Christ, you and Ben have been spending too much time together. You sound just like him.”
You could have heard a pin drop.
I turned to Ben, my movements jerky, as if part of me was trying to hold myself back, trying to keep my mouth from asking the question. If I never asked, I could stay in the moments before, when we’d stretched out together on the bed, kissing, Ben giving me his too serious look.
But living forever in the good parts was impossible. And I’d never been one to flinch from the truth.
“You knew?” I was amazed at how even my voice was.
I could read the truth in his eyes—but he said it out loud anyway. “I swear, I just found out.” His tone was pleading. “Grover said they were ending it.”
“You kept it from me.” He’d asked me to open up. Trust him. Be honest. And little by little, I had been. He, on the other hand, was lying the entire time. Another way he’d keptmeat arm’s length.
“Grover asked me not to tell anyone—and besides, it’s their business. They’re adults, Lee. I knew they were jeopardizing the bill, so I told him they had to find a way to stop, at least until it passed.”
“He was quite annoyingly insistent about it,” the governor added. “And, in case you’re wondering, I will respectfully refrain from asking the two of you whatyouwere doing up here in my guest bedroom.”
At this point, I couldn’t have cared less what the governor was insinuating about Ben and me in front of Dakota. All I cared about was the fact that Dakota and Ben had betrayed me.
They’d acted like we were in this together. Ben had literally said we were a team—and actually, fuckthat, Dakota and I had been closer than a team, like family. Certainly, my feelings for both of them had far exceeded what I was supposed to feel for coworkers. Yet again, I’d given too much of myself to someone—twosomeones—and they’d let me down, left me behind. It was the exact scenario I’d built my entire life around avoiding. The sinking feeling clutched me once again, that bottomless well opening back up, so quick and so easy it was like I hadn’t spent years trying to make it go away. And I was confronted, just like when I was younger, by my sheer capacity for pain.
Well, one thing had changed since then. I could play the hurting game, too. Colder and better than anyone.
I swooped my heels from the floor and padded quickly across the room.
“Lee,” Dakota called, at the same time as Ben reached for me, fingers brushing my arm.
“Wait,” he begged.
I cut my eyes in his direction. It was the most I would allow. “Do not follow me. Do you understand? I’m done.”
I strode down the stairs and out the door of the Governor’s Mansion with my head held high and my heels in my hands. Like some fucked-up, tired Cinderella who’d done this one too many times.
22
The Pursuit of Happiness
I shot my head out of the pile of blankets when I heard the front door opening. My sudden movement—a thing unprecedented of late, as evidenced by the sloppy pile of pizza boxes within arm’s reach—disturbed Al and Bill, who were curled protectively around my massive blanket-fort. They’d gathered here under the guise of comforting me; but really, they were happy I was miserable. It meant I’d transformed into a prone mountain of a person, nothing more than a lap for kneading, hands for scratching and occasional tears for a delicious, salty snack.
I grabbed the stereo remote and paused Frank Ocean.
“Alexis, good, you’re home,” I called into the entryway. “I thought of another reason you should never have a personal hero.”
“Hey,” she said, practically bouncing into the room. She was grinning way too brightly as she shrugged off her peacoat, slapping her cheeks to warm them.
