I stood at the foot of the bed, confused and vaguely hurt. “Talk to me, Kiz. What’s going on?”
“I can’t.” She sniffled quietly and her voice quivered. “I can’t explain right now.”
“Please,” I begged. “You can talk to me. Whatever it is, I’ll listen.”
My heart felt cold, and my hands felt even colder. The immediate loss of her warmth was jarring.
I slowly climbed back into the bed, staying on the far edge so I wouldn’t crowd her. She stayed where she was. The distance was small, but it might as well have been miles.
Long moments passed while our breathing settled, and she sniffled quietly in the dark.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” I insisted. “Whatever it is, I just want to know what you’re thinking.”
“I’m so sorry,” she repeated.
My mind whirled at the swift change. My thoughts churned. Had I done something wrong? Had I pushed her too far? Had she never wanted this in the first place? Lead settled into my gut. I felt sick.
We fell asleep like that, sharing a bed with a chasm between us.
CHAPTER 27
Kizzi
Guilt gnawed at my stomach like acid. I couldn’t even enjoy the cocoa coffee beverage that Tandor had brought me, tentatively leaving it beside the bed when I refused to get up while he was watching me.
I didn’t know how to face him.
I had gotten carried away last night, lost in the enjoyment of the evening, the warmth of his presence, the comfortable familiarity.
I had almost let him have his way with me. Gods, how I wanted him to have his way with me. I would have let that orc do whatever he wanted; I was putty in his hands.
And then I remembered the love potion.
I yanked the blanket over my head to wallow in my misery.
For a split second, I almost fucked him anyway. Did that make me a monster? Maybe. ButGods.
Guilt and pleasure fought for dominance as I remembered the way Tandor had kissed me, the way he dragged his hands over my skin, the way he…
I scrubbed my hands over my face with a groan.
Monster. Definitely a monster.
He didn’tactuallywant to be with me. It was just the love potion warping his mind, influencing his free will, taking away his choices. And I couldn’t even tell him about it. Because if I admitted that I accidentally drugged him, he would never forgive me.
And I wanted him to forgive me. Oh, how I wanted him to forgive me. A secret, sick part of me hoped that once Tandor was cured, and was no longer influenced by the love potion, that he would want me anyway.
That he would still be sweet to me, and kind to me, and flirty to me.
And would still want to toss me around and drag his teeth over my skin.
Maybe… just maybe…
And if not, I would shove the feelings down, go back to being his friend, and accept the fact that I was the dumbest bitch in the entire realm.
After long miserable minutes, I dragged myself out of bed. The cool air punched me immediately. I picked up the mug of cocoa coffee and gave it a sniff. It smelled incredible, bitter and sweet in a perfect harmony. It was still a bit warm.
