“Niel, what will happen to you?” she asked.
“There was talk of exile,” he said. She felt herself relax slightly. Exile was not such a terrible fate. It was better than a noose. “But my brother thinks too highly of the Queen. I doubt she will allow that,” he continued. “She may demand a public execution. We will see. But you’ll be free of Blackfell, either way. I swore that, and I meant it.”
“Then you should not surrender,” she whispered. “Please, Niel. There must be another way.”
“Spend the night with me?” Niel whispered. “We have that, at least.”
He had not agreed. Was he not willing to?
Ayla felt like she couldn’t breathe, but she took his hand from her face and nodded. Niel turned and led her up the stairs. Every step felt heavy.
He let go of her when they reached his room, and she stood just behind him as Niel crouched to stir the embers back into flame. She watched him settle the logs in place, unclasp his cloak, and stand, turning to face her. With a muffled sob Ayla stepped up against him, her cheek to the cold metal of his plate armor. Niel, seeming surprised, put his arms around her, but Ayla pulled back a moment.
“Take this off. Please?” she asked, a hand to the metal over his chest. Niel nodded. He removed his sword belt and freed the clasps of his armor, his hands practiced and fast, reminding her how clumsily she’d tried to disharness him in his illness. The cuirass clanked loudly as he dropped it on the floor behind him.
And then Ayla was back in his arms, her cheek pressed against his heart and his hands tight on her back. She shuddered against him as the fire warmed their sides, and tried to make sense of a world that would not stop spinning terribly. She knew Niel had always expected the war to be his end, but she could not find peace in that.
Even Ditmar had not made her feel so powerless as the army outside did. She wanted Niel to live. She wanted to wash the army outside the castle away with nothing more than a sweep of her hand; wanted to spirit Niel away to some safe land, where he could finally live in peace.
But she did not have the power to do anything at all.
“Last night, you said there was no sense worrying about problems that were months away,” Niel said. She could feel the rumble of his words in his chest as he held her. “Tonight, can we…”
“You do not wish to think of tomorrow,” she suggested, her voice cracking.
“No,” Niel agreed. “But Idowish to kiss you again, if you will let me.”
She tilted her chin up to him. Niel made a soft sound, in the back of his throat, and let go of her with one hand so that he could gently wipe the tears from her cheeks with his thumb.
“You’re crying?” he whispered.
“Please, do not try to comfort me,” she whispered back. “Not right now.”
“Ayla.” His hand cupped her face. “You won’t go back to him. It is a condition of the surrender that I duel him.”
After all this, did he really think she was more worried about her own safety than she was about Niel’s life? Oh, true, she still feared Ditmar, and he would probably try to kill her for what she’d said in front of the crowd, but she would fight back now without hesitation. Niel had monsters of his own, and she was not the one surrendering. She drew a shaky breath and shook her head, but Niel continued before she could find her voice.
“I never told you this, but I have a cloak made of unicorn’s hide. It can turn its wearer invisible. Kerr used it to draw Blackfell away from the castle. If I somehow fail to kill him, or it goes wrong some other way, you can use it to travel unseen.”
She remembered the strange white leather one of his men had returned to him after leading Ditmar away. Unicorn. She’d be disgusted at the thought if she were any less worried for Niel. Ayla was shaking her head at him, but Niel just kept going.
“It’ll be hard traveling in winter. You’ll want to go west, or south. Avoid the Hulder wood. Unicorns have strong magic, but there are things there powerful enough to see right through—”
“Niel,” she begged, grabbing him by the tunic, and he paused. “Youcan use it to escape.”
“No. If I don’t take responsibility for this, they will be harder on my men.”
“But you can’t just let them kill you.”
His jaw was set stubbornly.
“It will be what it will be. I swore you’d be safe from him. With the cloak, you…”
“I’m not crying over him,” Ayla said fiercely. “Do you really think that’s the only thing on my mind?”
“I’d understand if it were,” Niel admitted, frowning down at her.
“Please say you’ll use it to escape,” she said. “You must.”
