“I knew what you’d say if I told you first,” he said grimly. “But what else was I supposed to do, Ayla? It’s easy money. We need it. Youknowwe need it. Now we have it, and you didn’t even have to worry.”
“You fought in the gladiator pit,” she said, her voice shaking. “We agreed you wouldn’t.”
“No,” Niel said quietly. “We didn’t agree. You decided.”
“Because youcan’tfight in that pit,” Ayla said, her voice rising. “People die there, Niel. I don’t care how good you are—”
“I wasn’t at risk. Nobody in those fights has half the training of—”
“You could have been hurt, or maimed, or worse,” she interrupted sharply. She stood, pushing the chair back with a terrible screech. “How could you do this, without even telling me?”
“And what would you have me do instead?” Niel asked, his voice breaking. “I wander the city, all day, everyday, and come home fucking empty-handed. Do you know how that feels? We’re barely surviving with what you bring in, Ayla, and you know it. You’d be better off without me if I’m eating more than I provide for. How can you ask me to do nothing, when it’s so fucking easy for me to take care of us?” he gestured at the pile of money, more than she’d made in the past month with the glassblowers. Enough for them to live off of for weeks.
“And did you think,” she answered, her voice shaking, “what would happen if you didn’t come home? I didn’t even know you werethere, Niel. You would have just vanished. And where would I be then?”
He was quiet a moment, his jaw working.
“It didn’t cross my mind,” Niel admitted gruffly. “I knew I’d win. I wouldn’t have done if it I thought—”
“But that’s the point,” she said, her voice going high and tear-choked. “We talked, Niel. We agreed it was too much risk. You agreed, you said you wouldn’t, and you went and did it, and I didn’t even know where you were. You can’t leave me alone here.”
“Please, Ayla,” he said. He came around the table to where she stood, and took her hands. She drew them back. “I’m not leaving you here.” His voice was frustrated.
But he wasn’t seeing it. She was worried about money, but she’d rather be desperately poor than have Niel risk his life. How was she supposed to live without him? How was she supposed to raise a child on her own in this land that wasn’t quite home yet?
“You can’t do something like that without telling me,” she whispered. “Never again. Promise me, Niel. I don’t want you in those pits, but the lying is worse.”
“But if I’d told you, you’d have been angry, and you’d worry—”
“And this is better?” Ayla said. “I’mstillangry, and worried, and, and you’ve lied to me—”
“I didn’t lie. Ididgo out for work,” Niel snapped. “There wasn’t any. There hasn’tbeenany. I walked past the pit and I thought for once I’d make something useful of myself.”
“Thisis useful,” she cried, and gestured at the food she was cooking, the food he’d started. “Being with me is useful. Making sure you're alive for ourchildis useful. The money isn’t worth anything without you here. You're good for more than killing.” Embarrassingly, hot tears slid down her face. She swiped at them and gulped air, fighting back a sob.
For a moment Niel turned away from her, and she thought he was going to leave, but he made a strangled sound and turned back. His arms wrapped around her and he crushed her tight in an embrace.
“I didn’t realize,” Niel begged. “I really thought, if I could bring the money home, you’d be glad for it. I thought if you didn’t have to worry about me while I was in there, it would be fine. I thought you’d behappyI'd done it, Ayla.”
“It’s fine,” she whispered, because she wanted it to be. Being at odds with him felt like her heart was splintering. It felt nearly as bad as knowing he’d been dueling in a blood match across the city, with her utterly unaware.
“It’s not fine,” Niel rasped. “It’s not. I won’t do it again. I swear it, Ayla. I swear it. Please, forgive me. I didn’t think. I just wanted to take care of you.”
“Promise me,” she said, even though he already had; she was terrified, clinging to him now as he crushed her shoulders, both of them trembling.
“I promise,” Niel said. “I’ll find another way to take care of you. I will. A better way.”
“Alright,” Ayla said. She sniffled. “If… if we don’t stir that, it’s going to burn.”
Niel loosened his grip on her, but he didn’t let go until he’d pressed a kiss to her forehead, and another whispered apology.
“Do you want me to take the money back?” he asked quietly as he went to the pot. Ayla, finding it difficult to stand, sank back into her chair.
“What? No. Of course not.” Her eyes flickered to the small fortune on the table. “I mean, it’s here already, so… we might as well…”
“Should we buy some things? Make the house more comfortable?” He asked. “You need a better chair, don’t you, than just that wooden one? If you’ll be sitting with the baby—”
“No,” Ayla said firmly. “We’ll make do with what we have. We’d better keep saving. We might need it to last.”
